Keeping Warm
by just-an-artist-pl
Summary: After a car accident and three weeks in coma Kurt finally woke up but his life changed drastically. Not able to walk anymore he lost the will to live and showed his frustration to anything and anybody. At home and at the hospital refusing to talk and hating his physical therapy. But then he meets a boy with a guitar and his frustration grows even more.
1. Chapter 1

Keeping Warm

Summary: After a car accident and three weeks in a coma Kurt finally woke up, but his life changed drastically. Not able to walk anymore, he lost the will to live and showed his frustrations to anything and anybody. At home, and at the hospital, he refused to talk and hated his physical therapy. But then he met a boy with a guitar and his frustrations grew even more.

This idea came to my mind while listening to the song 'Keeping Warm' by We Were Promised Jetpacks.

* * *

Part 1

White walls, big white walls was everything that surrounded Kurt Hummel. If he could he would have left the room and the bed, but he couldn't. He couldn't for three months now, and it all began with a car accident. He never understood how he agreed to this, staying in a hospital, because he hated hospitals. Really, they were those places he never wanted to visit ever again. Far too many memories were connected to this place. Memories he could handle now, but didn't like at all.

It was too quiet, too cold and the smell made him sick. The doctors made him sick with all their words and explanations and the worried looks of his friends and family made him sick, too. He didn't want them to be worried and he certainly didn't need any pity.

Kurt simply got tired of it all. Really tired. Especially the false hope they gave him the 'maybe' or the – "there is a high possibility you'll walk again". It hurt more than the raw truth. If he couldn't walk ever again they should spill it and not treat him like a small, silly boy. He was not small or a young boy. He even understood what it meant when his mother died – at the age of 8. He understood why people bullied him, why they judged him. He understood far more than people gave him credit for. Sometimes it was a good thing when others didn't know what he was capable of. But under these circumstances? It was just frustrating. So frustrating that when he spent his time in the hospital – like every second week since the accident for his physical therapy, he snapped at the nurses and felt guilty, but more frustrated.

"I'm not hungry!"

"But you have to eat something. It will help you to get the strength you need for-"

"I don't care about the fucking therapy!"

It had been like this for a month now. He was almost considered as someone famous in the hospital. Whenever a new nurse came into his room he could see the slight fear in her eyes, how she straightened her back and pretended to not be worried or insecure. Kurt saw right through it. Being home he pretended to be okay just so his dad wouldn't wear this guilt and sadness on his face.

Because Burt Hummel blamed himself for what happened to his son. Which was not true because Kurt had insisted to get the car for school.

He had been running late and didn't want to bother his dad who needed to rest. The old worry in his heart about losing his father never left him. Not even a year later. He almost laughed when he thought about that and the result; giving his father the worst time and worry of his life. A time Kurt knew way too well because he went through the same thing. Right after the accident he was in a coma for three weeks. The constant question was whether he would ever wake up again, the constant worry, the countless tears his father had cried? Kurt knew that all. Now it was him lying in a hospital with legs that wouldn't move. He couldn't even feel them anymore.

This was the worst thing in this whole situation. Oh, and the wheelchair. His new BFF. Once in Glee Club they all tried them out and even then Kurt realized how he felt sorry for all the people. Especially Artie who would never leave his wheelchair again. Kurt might, they said, but he didn't want the pity and sad looks. He didn't want to roll around Lima and get that from people. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to walk again, because the therapy wasn't working. Patience, they said, patience, but he only became angry and frustrated. Usually he fought, but he was scared to try and know 100% that he would never walk again.

But he needed to, he wanted to go to New York, he wanted to study and dance and see so many things. The desperation made him sad and though he didn't like to cry when he fell asleep, safe and alone in his own space, his privacy he couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Yes, Kurt didn't like the wheelchair, but he figured that it was not the same when he used it in the hospital. Staying in bed made him just more upset and he couldn't stand the white walls. He almost felt claustrophobic. Leaning over, happy that he could move his arms and upper body, he reached out for the wheelchair but knew, alone, it was almost impossible to get in by himself.

Unlike Artie, his arms weren't strong enough yet to hold himself up and climb in on his own into the chair. His body in general was not as strong as it used to be from all the time doing nothing. He pressed the button and soon a nurse walked inside his room, helping him into the chair. Murmuring a thank you as she left, knowing better after all the time Kurt told them to go. Seeing the look on their faces was not what he needed after someone had to help him in such a simple way. Like when a baby fell when taking its first steps. He was not a baby and didn't want to feel like one.

It was just that everything seemed so small sitting in this chair and having to look up instead of looking straight forward or down. He felt small and weak and vulnerable. Even when he took the elevator and wanted to press a button, it took more than just moving his hand and pressing his finger against it. He needed to hold himself up sometimes with one hand, and stretch the other arm out. It was more humiliating than anything else.

Outside he was glad that he could at least be here and enjoy the air and September sun. As much as he _could_ enjoy. But he could with a book in his lap, and no one constantly asking him what was wrong, because he wasn't the only one in a wheelchair here, and some had it even worse than he did.

An hour later he rolled back into the hospital for his physical therapy. His therapist, Jimmy, always smiled when he saw Kurt and never, ever gave him an angry look or anything that told Kurt he wasn't welcome. In fact, Jimmy was always so positive and motivating to people. It wasn't working for Kurt, but he did what Jimmy told him.

First, Jimmy helped him out of his chair and laid him down on a mattress so he could bend his legs and move his muscles. Kurt shook his head or nodded when Jimmy asked him something. Any time when he fantasized about having a guy over him or being close to him, he never fantasized about this situation. He dreamed about what it would feel like to be finally kissed, for real. To hold someone's hand he loved and to have someone close in not just a friendly way, but something more. He wanted to enjoy this and dream a little when he began his therapy with a good looking guy. Though he stopped soon being unsure if his lower body part would react or not – luckily this part was working he thought, and soon his frustration was controlling his mind and body.

Their only conversation was about what they would do next, and if Kurt was okay or not and he was glad about that. Jimmy understood that Kurt didn't want to talk about his handicap or about things that may or may not happen. He knew Kurt didn't want any false hope. Of course motivating Kurt was a part of this whole therapy, but he told Jimmy that he really didn't want to yell at him or anything if he did that. So Jimmy didn't. He also didn't force Kurt to anything. The bending and stretching his legs was usually enough, but sometimes Kurt agreed on trying the bars out. Two wooden bars parallel to each other and a mat between them. The first week his arms were too weak to hold him up and once again he soon felt small and weak and didn't want anyone to see him like this.

After his physical therapy he usually rolled back to his room to watch TV or text his friends. His dad visited him every evening just to be sure his son was doing okay, or to make sure he was still alive, just like Kurt once did. He made it his mission to not worry his dad and pretended that he was fine even if he was not.

"Hey Kurt," smiled his father as he walked into his room.

"Hey dad," greeted Kurt in return and saw the small plastic bag in his fathers hand.

"Dad, seriously? I told you no fast food."

"It's for you, kid. I know you'll bite my head off if I try that."

Nodding and keeping his chin up, they both grinned. Yes, this was good, Kurt thought. It was better than seeing someone worried sick and his dad knew better than anyone that he didn't like that.

"I bought you cheesecake."

"Cheesecake!" Kurt almost cried out and this made his father laugh. Taking the chair, he placed it closer to Kurt's bed, and handed him the small bag with a plastic box. He opened it eagerly and took the fork, wrapped up in a napkin, and began to eat. Humming how delicious it tasted, this hospital food was okay but this was perfect.

"How's it going?"

"Okay, I guess," said Kurt, not wanting to lie and even if he tried his dad would see right through it. Yet he didn't want this evening to turn into one of those nights where his dad apologized with watery eyes. It had been like this in the first weeks after he woke up, but Burt quickly understood that Kurt didn't need that. He needed a father who wouldn't treat him differently. Who would treat him like he did before the accident.

"I thought about going somewhere over the weekend when you'll be back home."

"Yeah? And where?"

"I don't know yet but somewhere outside of Lima."

A small smile stretched over his lips and he really liked this idea, but he really didn't want to sit in this wheelchair and feel so terribly small and weak around people. Once he even considered calling Artie and asking him how he managed to still look like he was bigger than anyone. However, he wasn't ready to admit how he really felt about his current situation. Not to himself, or to anyone else.

"I'll think about it, okay?"

"Of course," Burt smiled nevertheless.

They talked about Carole and Finn and about work. School was also a topic they talked about which was one of the topics that Kurt really didn't like to discuss. He had graduated, yes, but he wasn't ready to talk about his future yet. New York seemed more far away than before, and he had no idea if he could ever get there. Instead of NYADA, he could study fashion design, yes, but it was his plan B and not A. He also avoided the topic of friends, because many of them were leaving Lima and going to wherever they wanted to go. New York, L.A., and studying. It was hard to text them, hear about their amazing time at college, and it was hard to see those who were still here.

Everything just seemed so unfair, but he didn't say a word about that.

* * *

Friday came quickly and he couldn't wait to get out of the hospital and back home. Back into his room to read the new Vogue magazine, lay in his bed and listen to his music. He was even looking forward to sitting in the kitchen and talking with Carole, who did an amazing job like his father. Treating him like a normal person.

His physical therapy ended around 12pm and instead of going back into his room, he explored the hospital. Not that he was interested in it, but he wanted to know if there were places he could visit when he came back. Places when it was too cold outside, or raining like crazy. He rolled to the cafeteria in his wheelchair. It was a nice cafeteria with many chairs, many spots for people like Kurt and with no white walls. They were orange, more pleasing, and he let himself enjoy some coffee before he explored some more.

He still had five hours to kill before his dad would come back and take him home. But there was nothing interesting. Not really. Everything was just as boring and made him as sick as his own room. Suddenly, he found himself in a part of the hospital different from the others. It was more colorful, louder and he even heard music. Probably the children's ward. Kurt wasn't paying much attention to the music, but the closer he came to a closed door he figured that it wasn't music coming from a speaker. It was live music, someone was playing a guitar and singing. Singing with a gorgeous voice. Smooth, deep, and happy. A simple voice, a simple song but the sound, the emotions... Kurt hadn't heard anything like this in a while. Music had always been a part of his life and since he graduated and Glee Club was over it felt really good, _really_ good to hear a live performance.

Rolling closer in his wheelchair he heard several children singing and clapping, singing together with a guy; it was a familiar Disney song. It took him some seconds to figure out what song it was and he smiled when memories of his days as a child came back. It was a song from Aladdin, Friend Like Me, and when he arrived at the door, he only saw a little bit of what was happening in there. Huffing and hating how small he was because he had to sit, he needed to take a hold of the bar under the window. Holding himself up he could finally look inside and saw several children. Some with bald heads, some with bandages, some with faces that weren't labeled as normal. But they were all laughing, clapping and singing with the boy, sitting in a circle on the floor.

The boy caught all of Kurt's attention. Curly hair, big hazel eyes and playing the guitar like he never did anything else in his life. He didn't look as if he belonged there because he seemed fine, but his smile and those from the children were equally radiant. Something else, something that made this hospital life better. Their voices were muffled through the glass and closed door but he could still make out how amazing the stranger's voice was.

With eyes fixed on him, he watched the gorgeous face, watched the eyes sparkling with honest happiness and the longer he watched him, the more he saw how cute this boy was. Not only cute, more, he was so much more. A dork, too, as far as Kurt could tell.

When the song came to its end they all clapped and giggled, one of the children hugged the boy who returned the hug, grinning wider than before. Kurt was mesmerized about the way the stranger acted around the children. Usually it made people sad seeing a child with cancer or any other illness. Usually people couldn't act like they were 'normal' children around them. The boy, though, did exactly that. Talking and touching them like normal children and not like they were something fragile, not like they could break into a million pieces with a simple hug. For a second Kurt imagined spending time with this boy and getting some life into his own. Because that was what he missed the most. People talking and treating him like a normal person, and not like someone who needed help, like someone who couldn't do things on his own. But it was almost like fate heard his plea and gave him a reminder that his life would never be normal again. His arms began to shake and he couldn't hold himself up anymore. They gave in and instead of falling back into the wheelchair he fell out of it, meeting the hard, cold ground.

He heard gasps while he waited for the pain to go away and when he tried to move his legs the frustration he had been feeling for so long came back with full force. He rolled on his back, noticing the wheelchair right next to him and reached out for it, wanting to do this on his own. But he knew, he just knew it was pointless. His body was not strong enough for this, not yet, maybe not ever.

A nurse came and helped him, a small nurse not strong enough to this on her own and instead of snapping he let her help him. Avoiding feeling humiliated was his priority right now. Then there was another pair of hands, stronger, holding him firm and up so that he was soon sitting in his wheelchair. Breathing in and out, waiting for the red color on his face to go away he only looked up when the voice spoke to him. The voice he heard singing some minutes ago.

"Are you okay?"

Moving his hand from his face he dared to look up, but the face was not above him, it was right in front him, making him feel something else than small and vulnerable. This made him feel almost equal, but as soon as he felt his legs wouldn't move, wouldn't do anything, he couldn't stand looking at this beautiful, _so _beautiful boy anymore.

With his hands on the wheels he turned around and rolled away, a bit too fast, but he needed to be alone now and forget all of this. Forget this terrible feeling. Forget the humiliation he had to deal with for weeks now.


	2. Chapter 2

I just wanted to tell you guys this. This fic is something I write when I can't write on 'Two Coins' or 'Promise me we'll be alright' (bc those are the fics i want to finish first before I write other fics). So it might take some time before I update this fic (like School, Homework, Life and Love With you). Still, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

Part 2.

He rolled so fast that his hands hurt when he finally arrived at his room. He knew they only hurt because he was not used to this. Just another indicator how much he hated his current situation. But it was also the last thing he could really think about. All he wanted was to forget what had happened some minutes ago and sleep until his dad came to pick him up and go whoever he wanted to take him.

Pressing the button at his bed, the nurse came and helped him into his bed. He saw it in her face, how she waited for him to snap at her, but he was not in the mood to do that. Kurt just waited for her to leave so he could hide himself under the blanket and forget the humiliation. Forget the feeling that was bubbling inside him.

* * *

The next day when he woke up Kurt found himself in his own bed and sighed with relief. He really needed some space between him and that stupid hospital. Usually his Dad's efforts to distract him and make his life a little less sad didn't work. That weekend though it worked because Kurt needed any kind of distraction. As promised his Dad drove them to Columbus and just enjoyed the city.

There was really a difference between sitting in a wheelchair and facing people he knew in Lima and doing the same in Columbus and knowing no one.

Of course people gave him looks but they were only looks and they didn't ask what had happened or treated him like a child. He bought some new clothes which was weird because he tried to move and look into the mirror to see how the pants fit. But, he couldn't so he just went with the color and acted like it did nothing to him.

After that they went to a nice restaurant to have lunch and finally talk about the past week. Kurt avoided the fact that he had seen the most beautiful boy ever. A boy who was probably straight, probably had girlfriend and had already forgotten him, considering his luck. So he asked about something he used to avoid, too.

"Did you hear anything from my friends?"

Burt stopped his fork right before his open mouth and stared at his son. Kurt stared back, almost deadpanned.

"Well, I only know about Rachel and Santana being in New York and Mercedes in L.A."

Burt waited again, waited for something coming from Kurt that told him to stop, but Kurt didn't move. No, he was actually listening and even a bit curious.

"They called me a few days ago asking how you've been doing since you've ignored their calls."

He did that only because it hurt too much to hear about their lives moving on while his was defined by regular visits with his therapist, and the white room he almost considered his second home. With a lot of sarcasm.

"That's good."

"Did something happen? Why the sudden interest in your friends?"

Oh he knew the answer but he was not going to tell his Dad about a boy he didn't even know. This was the first step to new drama in his life and he was really, really tired of the drama.

"Just curious, I guess."

"You know you can't fool me."

Kurt sighed and decided to tell him the truth. Well one of the truths he had been carrying around since he woke up from the coma. But... it was not really the truth, only him trying to be realistic and avoiding getting hurt by his own thoughts.

"I just... try to accept everything and move on."

"Accept what?"

"That I won't be able to walk again."

Burt put his fork down and Kurt saw the deep frown on his father's face. Oh, he knew that face, he knew it way too well and forced his eyes to stay still and not roll like he always used to when his Dad gave him a lesson.

"With this attitude? No."

"So... better get used to this."

Burt huffed a laugh, a desperate one and folded his hands.

"You can't be serious, Kurt. The doctor said there is a chance you will walk again. You just have to practice and be patient."

Now it was Kurt who huffed a laugh and finally rolled his eyes. He knew his Dad was only worried and tried to cheer him up. After all, Kurt never gave up this easily but his legs were important. Without them he couldn't dance, or perform. His actions were all limited and everything that was left were his hands. At least he could use his hands.

"I've been trying, Dad. But I feel nothing, okay? I just feel nothing."

"That's why I think it would be better for you to stay in the hospital for more than just every second week."

"What!?" Kurt exclaimed and almost knocked his glass over. No, his Dad was not serious about that. Not his Dad. Burt never forced Kurt to do something.

"I think it's the best for you and your therapy. Constant practice will help you to walk again."

He tried to stay calm, he tried not to scream, but his Dad made him so angry that it was hard to swallow it down. The angry tears didn't make it any better because he didn't want to cry in public.

"I hate it there, you know I do. I almost feel claustrophobic with those empty walls and the smell."

"I understand, kiddo," sighed Burt and gave him a concerned look: "But I really think you should... at least try."

Kurt shook his head again and then his father pulled a card that was just plain unfair.

"Remember when I had my heart attack?"

"Dad-"

"Remember how you never gave up on me? Though it was hard?"

Kurt did remember but he kept his mouth closed before he said that his situation was totally different. For his father it probably wasn't.

"And I won't give up on you. They said it's possible and I know you are a fighter."

Kurt said nothing.

"I just... I want you to live your dream. I want to see you walking through New York where you belong and I know, this, will never make you happy. I wish you would at least try it. Not for days or weeks but for longer. I get it, it's frustrating but I know you can do it."

"Okay," said Kurt because he knew how stubborn his father could be. He was just as stubborn. However, not hurting his father and take some of the burden off of him was stronger than his own pride. He saw it but never mentioned that he noticed the guilt in his father's eyes. The guilt that was really not necessary.

* * *

On Monday it was Carole who drove him back to the hospital and stayed with him for another hour. She, at least, didn't push him or asked him about the therapy. She bought him the Vogue so he had something to read and also books because he usually stayed in his room. Around 1pm he had his physical therapy and was greeted, as always, with Jimmy's enthusiastic smile.

He helped Kurt out of the wheelchair and they started with the bending and moving of his muscles, trying to get any kind of reaction out of his numb legs. But nothing worked and Kurt didn't expect anything else. Every question was answered with a nod or a shake of his head but Jimmy kept on smiling. His positive attitude was a good thing but also annoying. The good thing was Kurt saw no pity in his eyes. The bad thing? He wished he could be as positive as Jimmy. Even if his legs would never move again.

The first three days he stayed in his room while constantly having an argument with himself. He liked the children's ward because it was colorful, more alive and not as boring as his part of the hospital. Also there had been the boy he still tried to forget but he just couldn't. Why was this even a secret to him. Maybe because he was handsome, maybe because he could sing and play. Kurt had no idea and he was too afraid to find out what it was. Like he told himself over and over again, this guy was probably straight and he really didn't need any kind of those feelings. Not to forget his handicap. Who would want someone in a wheelchair? And someone who was also gay? Yes, he knew Artie had girlfriends and was happy but Kurt was not Artie. Closing the Vogue magazine, he looked out of the window seeing the sun shining and for a second he thought about going out, to the small park outside of the hospital. Or just roll around the hospital and really go to the children's ward because it was the best place in this building. Warmer, smelling sweeter... he pushed the button and the nurse came, helping him into the wheelchair.

Taking his satchel he decided to buy himself some coffee and stay in the cafeteria, which was not just simply going and getting coffee. It was also a hurdle for him, but one he was willing to fight against. The hurdle of feeling small and vulnerable and just accepting that, yes, there were certain things he couldn't do yet, but maybe one day.

Taking his coffee he placed it between his legs and rolled to a free table next to the window. He saw a pregnant woman talking with her husband. He more worried than she was. Then he saw an older man sitting with two kids and their father, laughing about something. But he also saw people who had it worse than he did. Some without a leg, some connected to a plastic bag and getting something into their system. Yes, he knew there were people who had to deal with more than he did. But he had every right to be upset or unhappy about his situation.

However, Kurt understood that he couldn't act like he did forever. One day he needed to go out again and just live. That was what he wanted, really. It was just so hard to get used to this when all he did his whole life was walking, dancing, performing. He dreamed about his own wedding, walking to his future husband in the most beautiful suit ever. Dreamed about trying on different suits, visiting the places he wanted to get married. There was so much more he wanted to do and needed, wanted to be able to walk.

But what was worse, he thought. Trying and failing? Trying and succeeding? Trying and accepting? Or not trying at all? Kurt groaned and finished his coffee so he could go and find a place to distract his mind with other things. So he decided to visit the children's ward.

* * *

Colors. He really liked colors, even more after spending so much time in a white room. But it was not just the colors, it was more than that. The people working here looked much happier, much more human unlike the nurses he had to deal with. Or, maybe, it was just his mind telling him this. Anyway, he liked it here and he even liked to hear voices, laughter. His part of the hospital was way too quiet and here, hearing the children being children even affected his mood.

The grumpy expression softened, his lips even curled up a little bit and his body didn't feel like a burden anymore. Well, less than a burden. He stopped at the door where he had seen the boy, able to look inside because it stood open and watched four children playing with some toys. Unsure if he could just roll inside, he decided to stay at the wall across from the door, the perfect spot to still have a good view inside but not stand in the way.

In any other situation, he would have felt sorry for those kids. Kids with cancer, kids with skin disease, kids who had to deal with so much at such a young age. But they smiled, they played and laughed and just enjoyed the moment. Because that's what kids do best. Stop thinking and just live. Sometimes he missed those simple times when his mind wasn't understanding and thinking as much as it did.

One of the children, a girl, looked up and his eyes met with hers, bright and blue and she gave him a wide smile. He tried to return it but failed, and the girl gave him a questioning look before she went back to whatever she was drawing on a piece of paper. Then she stood up and ran to him on her short legs. In her tiny hands she held a piece of paper and handed it to him.

"For you."

"For... me?"

She nodded enthusiastically and showed him a simple, child like drawing of a flower in bright green and pink color.

"Mommy always says that flowers make people smile. But I have no flowers."

Smile, huh? Kurt almost felt bad that even a child could see how unhappy he was. So unhappy that he was not able to hide it anymore. This was even worse for him. No matter how he felt inside he really didn't want people to see how unhappy he was. That people saw his anger and his frustration, that was okay for him. But how unhappy he was? No. It was the first step for getting a pity party.

"Thank you. It's really beautiful," he tried and smiled and apparently he succeeded because the girl grinned right back.

"Why are you sitting in this chair?"

Ah, yes. Children never thought about what they said and did. They also never thought about if asking something was okay or not. This time, though, Kurt couldn't be angry. Kids were always honest. Honest in what they thought and honest in what they asked.

"It helps me to move."

"You can't walk?"

"N... no. I can't."

Her big eyes observed the whole wheelchair and then her mouth dropped open.

"But you are pretty fast with those wheels, right?"

"I don't know," he shrugged.

"But cars have wheels too and they are fast!" she said in awe: "You could run away from Bobby!"

"Bobby?" Kurt laughed because he had no idea what she was talking about but her face was priceless.

"Yeah! Bobby! He always picks on me when we are outside playing. He always wins when we have a foot race and says my legs are too short so I'll never win."

"Sounds like a mean boy."

"He is! I don't like boys. They are all mean!"

Kurt tried not to laugh, but she was just too adorable.

"What's your name?"

"Emma!"

"Well, Emma, I know not all boys are mean."

"You are nice, though. You like my flower."

She was bouncing on her feet, jumping from mood to mood and Kurt nodded.

"Can I use your chair against Bobby? We'll go out playing soon and I really want to win."

Kurt blinked, thought and then – without even thinking – he said,

"I need it, you know? But I have a better idea."

* * *

He had no idea why or how he found himself there, but Emma was sitting in his lap and Bobby was right next to them. They were outside in the park he thought about visiting. There was also a small playground for the children and while Emma was super excited to sit in a wheelchair, Kurt only hoped she wouldn't fall down. What if this girl had some serious illness and falling would make it even worse?

The nurse next to them assured him that it was totally fine and that she was thankful that Kurt did that for her. She told him that Emma had a weak heart and couldn't walk or even run as fast and as much as other kids could. This nearly broke Kurt's heart. There was this girl sitting in his lap with a heart that could kill her if she did too much. And his heart was perfectly fine. Only his legs were no longer alive. But he, he was alive and would be for many, many more years.

So he made sure to explain to her – like the nurse did – to hold on tight so she wouldn't fall down.

Bobby, a boy who was healthy and only went to the hospital from time to time, – because he always got into trouble and hurt himself – grinned, a superior grin Kurt knew way too well. Rolling his eyes he focused on Emma who stuck her tongue out to Bobby and gave Kurt a determined look.

"I'm counting on you, Kurt."

She looked too cute to take her seriously, but he tried to be just as determined as she was.

"Of course."

The children around them counted down from 3 to 1 and then Bobby ran and Kurt grabbed his wheels and began to roll. It took him more strength than usual because, though Emma was small, her weight was still more than Kurt usually had to carry with him. But after some seconds and trying harder and harder he went faster and Emma laughed.

He never considered the wheelchair as something good. Let alone as something that made him happy. But when he heard Emma laughing and pretend that this, rolling faster and faster was almost like walking, he found a smile on his own lips. More than that, the fact that he could make a girl laugh so much, that he could do something like this, made him happy. So he went a little bit faster and soon they overtook Bobby and eventually won the race.

"That's unfair!" yelled the boy but all Kurt could focus on was holding the little girl as he stopped rolling so she didn't fall.

"We won!" smirked Emma, stuck her tongue out once again and then grinned at Kurt. And he? He did the same.

"Thank you!" she laughed and wrapped her short arms around his neck. It was a different hug. Not the one his father gave him or any other person he knew. Those hugs always felt like they tried to apologize but Emma? She was just thankful, honestly, thankful.

Rolling back to the other children – who were all chanting Emma and Kurt – he let her down and the nurse immediately took care of her. For a second or two he was sincerely worried but the smile from the black haired nurse took that away.

"I want to ride on the wheelchair too!" said a boy his left eye hidden by an eye patch.

"It's time for lunch, Frank," explained the nurse and the boy pouted at her. Thanking Kurt, she walked back into the hospital, the children following her, but not without Emma asking Kurt to visit her again. He promised to do so and followed them soon after they had left.

* * *

Kurt never slept well when he had to stay at the hospital. That night though he slept pretty damn good and it was a good thing for his mood. Instead of being grumpy and unhappy, he was actually satisfied. Not with his legs, not with his situation, but it didn't seem to be as dark as yesterday. It was scary, yes, because he felt the hope rising in him. Hope that maybe things would change and hope that fate didn't want to ruin his life entirely. But hope was also dangerous and could make a dream, an idea into reality.

Still Kurt had to admit that he felt much more better around those children than being alone. That's why he went back there after his therapy. He played with them as much as he could sitting in this wheelchair. Which was really not that easy. He couldn't just bend down and pick something up or run after a child when they jumped on the bed. All he could do was as much as his arms let him, but luckily he figured out that most of the children enjoyed drawing. So they drew together. Their families, the things they liked – like kittens and puppies – and then Emma asked him something that brought the memories back he tried to avoid.

"Do you sing?"

"I do," he said slowly as Emma's eyes grew wider, along with the eyes of the other children.

"Can you play something for us and we all sing together?"

"I want to sing songs from the Lion King!" said Vincent, who was kneeling on his bed and pretended to be a lion.

"No! We'll sing from Aladdin!" protested Frank and bound some toilet paper around his head to create a turban. Kurt sighed and took the paper away from him, which was laying on the floor – between toys.

"I can't play an instrument, sorry."

"Then we'll wait for Blaine! Blaine can play guitar!" said Emma being super excited and also proud about her idea.

"Blaine won't come today, silly," groaned Rose and smacked her hand against her forehead.

Blaine, thought Kurt, and he was not sure if it was the name of the boy he had seen once or if it was someone else. Who knew if the boy was the only one playing for them or if they had other people doing that for the children. And children were just like that, easily forgetting something and coming up with something new.

"Then let's draw Disney characters!"

And so Kurt did because, apparently, the children liked his drawings. One thing he was good at and pretty proud of.

* * *

The next day he didn't have any therapy and also finished reading a book before he decided to visit the children's ward again. However, when he arrived there and rolled through the corridor he stopped before he even got to close to the familiar, colored door. There he was again, the boy with the guitar and right before him stood a kid, probably a girl, Kurt thought. A girl without hair and looked way too thin and pale.

She looked like she was about to cry and Kurt just wanted to go in there and make her smile again. He saw her before but just then he really noticed her. A girl with cancer and she probably understood what it meant. Unfair, he thought, it was so unfair that such a young human being had to deal with something like that.

But then she smiled because of something the boy said and ran back inside the room where Emma and the other kids were. His eyes moved back to the boy who was smiling but not that happy smile. It was the smile given just for the sake of it. The smile because you didn't want people to see how you really felt. Also the one you just gave with the hope that it would help.

Before he thought about turning around and rolling away, the boy already noticed him and running – or rolling – away again just seemed a bit too silly and childish. Yet, again, only one look into those puppy eyes and Kurt never wanted to look away. That was dangerous, that was nothing he needed but he couldn't help himself.

"Hey! We just met a few days ago!" said the other, genuinely happy.

"Um...yeah, we did."

"My name is Blaine," he said, his smile not even fading, not breaking, not a bit. It was honest and warm and Kurt liked that. Liked that there was no pity.

"Kurt," he returned and shook Blaine's hand. Blaine, yes, he liked the name the first time he heard it and now even more.

"Ah, the famous Kurt. Emma told me you two won against Bobby, huh?"

"We did but my arms still hurt, though," and Kurt wanted to slap himself for saying this. Avoiding pity was his aim and now he was literally asking for it.

"Well, Bobby's pretty fast. His legs might be short but he can run."

Kurt chuckled before he could stop himself. Well, small talk was okay, right?

"You are a good singer, you know? I really enjoyed hearing you sing and play."

Blaine smirked, proud and honest: "Thank you. It's really a good thing when I can help others with my singing and playing. Children always love Disney. Adults though, well you know, adults."

"Yeah, I know. But I think Disney is for everyone and not just for children."

"Right?!" it came out a bit louder than Blaine wanted to but seeing him so excited made Kurt almost giggle again. God, how could this boy even be real?

"They said you sing, too. Actually, they won't shut up about you."

Kurt only shrugged, not prepared for the question coming from the other boy.

"We can sing something together? I bet you sound incredible."

"Um, no. Really. I love singing but they would probably laugh about my voice."

"What? No way! They'll love it. Children don't care, they just want to enjoy the things they like with anyone who enjoys the same thing."

Did this mean that Blaine cared? Was Blaine flirting with him? Was this feeling inside him the line he didn't want and couldn't cross? It was really just a question, Kurt was sure of it. It was just a nice statement, honest or not – though he liked to believe Blaine was honest. However, crossing the line was not an option for him. Because, so far, he found only things to like about Blaine.

"Thanks but... no."

And he rolled away, needing his room more than ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! Sorry for the very late update. I have now far more time for this fic and for my other mini fic because I've finished Two Coins :) hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Part 3

Kurt didn't understand himself. Meeting Blaine was like meeting the sun, so warm and made him want to smile. He was like the children, but not quite. Alone, his presence made Kurt feel too much to handle, and things he didn't want to feel. Dealing with his handicap was actually enough. Yet, he needed to be around those children and just forget for a while. With them, drawing and laughing, he forgot all his dark thoughts, all the nights he couldn't sleep.

He felt just as carefree as they did. Together they drew Disney characters, colored those and hung them up over their beds. On his lap sat Claire, the girl Blaine had talked to two days ago and laughed about two other kids jumping on their beds, happy about their pictures of Mulan and Mushu.

He didn't know what they all had. What illness forced them to stay here except for Claire and Emma, and then he thought, it was not really important for him to know. There were nurses, people always watching the children and he, the only thing he wanted to do, was laugh with them, together.

But he was surprised that Blaine hadn't shown up in the past two days because he came at least three times a week.

Yes, he was sometimes waiting for him and he really didn't like that. Waiting and then seeing him meant to fall harder for a gorgeous boy. Falling was not an option but also was avoiding him, though, this boy made him feel even better when his days were dark.

Eventually he entered the room and all the children cheered, jumped off whatever surface they were on and Blaine laughed, pulling them into a group hug. Claire was also somewhere between the kids and Kurt smiled. Only one person could make them laugh and smile and forget what they were going through.

"I see that we have a guest with us?"

His mind wandered back to what Blaine said to him the last time they saw each other. How he wanted them to sing something together with the kids. His hands already wanted to grab the wheels and roll back to his room, but, his room was not as bright, happy and colorful as this one. So he only smiled. A small smile, but it made Blaine smile even wider.

"We've been drawing!" said a black skinned kid and grabbed Blaine's hand, dragging him to the wall where all the drawings were.

"Is that Ariel? Oh and Mushu!" he said with huge eyes and made the little boy giggle. His tiny hands pressed against his mouth and Blaine placed his guitar next to the bed, taking the boy into his arms and turning around to the other kids.

"Are we going to sing?" asked Emma, and Blaine shook his head no, their smiles immediately disappeared and some even began to protest. Kurt tried not to laugh.

"We will be singing. I promise. But I want to do something else with you guys," he said and sat down on the bed, some of the kids already climbing on to it to sit next to Blaine, and the others on the one across, facing him. Claire came back to Kurt, a questioning look on her face like she was not sure if he would stay or not.

Hell, why not, he thought, and stretched his arms out to help her back on his lap. He rolled closer to Blaine and the kids and let Claire rest against his chest when she leaned back. He let one arm rest around her to signal to her that this was okay. And it was, because he wanted her to know that she mattered and she was not alone. Just like his father taught him.

"Today I want you to think about your dreams. What you want to do, who you want to be. Because dreams are important, you know?" said Blaine and the children listened, eyes big and some nodded slowly.

"They help us to move on and make us strong. So I'll start with my dream, okay?"

"You want to be a prince, right?" said Emma like a child usually spoke, and it was too adorable. Her dreamy eyes and her fingers entwined.

Blaine laughed, caressed her hair and Kurt couldn't help himself but think that he already was a prince. Well, for him he looked like one and behaved like one. Coming here and making children happy with songs even though they were not even related. The question why he actually did that never crossed his mind. All he wanted was to avoid Blaine. He still wanted to.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't want to be a prince. I want to become a songwriter."

"Songwriter? You mean you want to write books?" asked another child.

"No," he smiled, always smiled warm and soft. "I want to write songs for movies. Like Disney songs."

"You could write a song about Mushu because he is awesome," said the black boy sitting on Blaine's lap, his curls tickling under his chin.

"For example, yes. And I keep that dream close to me and want to make this dream real. That's why I keep on moving and don't give up."

Their mouths were all formed to an O shape.

"Alright, Emma. What is your dream?"

"I want to bake cookies and cakes. Pretty cakes for mommy and daddy."

"I bet you'll be amazing." said Blaine and asked the other children. Some wanted to become superheros, some painters, a boy wanted to become an astronaut, a girl wanted to become a teacher. They all had their dreams and their eyes were shining whenever they talked about their dream.

Some were real, some not, like the one boy saying he wanted to become a bird so he could fly and Blaine told him he could become a pilot and also fly. At some point Kurt stopped listening and just watched Blaine talk to the kids. Treating them like normal people who were not terribly sick or having a handicap. His voice made them smile, kept them motivated, and their eyes were huge, their lips constantly smiling and he was just blown away by this.

He wished he had someone who would talk to him like Blaine did. Someone who would smile and support him in this way. Yes, he had his dad but this was different. His dad was supposed to care about him. Blaine was not, but he wished, for a second, that he would.

"Kurt?" it was Claire who dragged him out of his thoughts.

"Yes?" he said, meeting her eyes and feeling the others also watching him.

"We want to know what your dream is," she said, and Kurt looked to Blaine, seeing the smile, the warm gold in his eyes and it was like something switched inside him. But before he could answer the nurse came, saying that it was their time to go out. The children jumped up, dressed and followed her outside, two of them tugging at Kurt's hand and other at Blaine's to follow them.

Blaine laughed: "We're coming, no worries." He gave Kurt a look and he nodded.

* * *

Outside he sat in his chair, watching the kids run and laugh, some were building a castle of sand and Blaine in the middle of them. He was chasing the kids, laughing when one clutched his leg and didn't let go, so that the other kids could run away from him. For once he wasn't feeling jealous or grumpy about the fact the he could not run with them. He just enjoyed watching the kids have fun with Blaine. Well, he enjoyed watching Blaine. This young man with tan skin and smoothed down curls, with a smile that made even the sun jealous, and with so much life inside his small body.

For the first time since the accident he enjoyed seeing something like this. Because, somehow, Blaine made him enjoy this. Maybe it was because of his smile or maybe because of how he treated him. Any other person, except him or the kids, were always careful, almost sorry for what happened to him and gave him all those pitiful looks.

Blaine and the kids never did that. The fact that he was sitting in a chair was no big deal for them. At least it felt like that and he liked that feeling. Claire collected flowers and at some point she came over to Kurt and gave him some of those, smiling sweetly and he thanked her. Then she climbed back onto his lap, clearly exhausted and fell asleep as he held her.

Thinking that this girl was closer to death than he was made him feel really bad about his own behavior. How he made a big scene because he couldn't walk. But, he was alive. He would stay alive longer than she would if the cancer won. Of course he hoped, even prayed that this was not going to happen. She was too young to say good bye now and the world had far too many beautiful things for her to explore. He hoped that she would see all these things because he did. Not all of them, but more than the eight year old girl sleeping in his arms.

One of the nurses came and took Claire into her arms, the other nurse called for the rest of the kids because it was time for their medicine and doctor visits. Remaining under the tree, he watched them go and his eyes looked for a taller body, for curls but he was not between them. Looking back to the playground he saw Blaine, clapping his hands free from the sand and then walking over to Kurt, making his heart beat a little faster.

"So, what is it?" he asked when he stood next to Kurt and, like the last time, he crouched to be on eye-level with Kurt. That was always better than people bending down and looking even taller than he was. It always made him feel weak and small and he disliked this, a lot.

"What is what?"

"Your dream," Blaine smiled and Kurt looked down at his hands, not sure if he should talk about it.

He stopped doing that after his accident, knowing that it was impossible because he couldn't walk anymore. However, something that Blaine did or just... something about him made him feel safe that he could say it out loud without hearing, that is impossible.

"I wanted to become a performer. Theater, Broadway, something like that. But, well, I can't anymore."

"Just because you can't move your legs?"

He said nothing, didn't move or nod.

"I wouldn't think of it as a reason to not try, you know?"

"Well, I can't dance and move like I used to."

He heard Blaine humming, saw him looking up as he chased his thoughts and then Blaine sat down, probably because his legs began to hurt.

"Can I ask you something and you promise me you won't just roll away? Because you can be pretty fast and I'm not sure I can keep up with you."

This made Kurt snort. He being faster than Blaine? With his hands and arms still not used to the wheels? He doubted that but it made him still laugh a little.

"I promise."

Blaine flashed him a smile, showing his white teeth and Kurt couldn't help but think that he looked like an excited puppy.

"You used to walk, right?"

"Yeah."

"And there is a chance you can walk again?"

Kurt shrugged. Everyone told him that there is a chance but he was not ready to believe in that and face the hard truth that he could not.

"Then why do you think you will not become a performer? I think you should hold on to that and try everything and, one day, you'll be walking again."

"It's... not that easy."

Blaine sighed and nodded slowly. "I understand that. But, you know, that's what dreams are for, right? Trying to make them come true and use them as our strength."

He knew that this was the truth. Before the accident he used his dream as his strength and went through each hard time because he believed in his dream. Through the bullies, through the people who treated him wrong, through the injustice in the Glee Club. He knew he was good, special and that the world needed someone like him. Something else and he wanted to be that person.

Proving everyone wrong and becoming a star, if just for a short time.

But this accident took his legs away and his dreams, too. A hard pill to swallow and he just wondered, when, when would the time come for him to be happy and successful and not taking one punch after another.

"I'd like to help you."

Blaine's words snapped him out of his thoughts and he stared down at the boy. That was the last thing he wanted and needed. Pity.

"No. You-"

"I mean it. I really want to help you."

"Well, I don't need your help."

Kurt didn't mean to snap at him and take the smile away from his lips. He didn't mean to be rude to that handsome and lovely young man who made him feel all these things. But he didn't need any pity, any help or people feeling obligated to help him. He definitely didn't want Blaine's help and to fall for him just to be dumped because he would never walk again. So he rolled off, back into the building and aching for his room. His empty, cold room.

* * *

The next three days he didn't go back to the children's ward. He didn't attend his therapy and he didn't talk to his father when he came over. His mood was worse than before and he hated himself for being so angry, grumpy, and cold. But imagining that Blaine only wanted to help him because he felt sorry for him was like a punch to the stomach. Deep, painful and nothing he needed to face every time they saw each other.

It made him just angry that people wanted to help him because of his handicap and not because they were interested in him and his happiness. That was what Blaine did, right? Just coming here to sing and play with those kids because he felt sorry for them. Yet, his feeling told him that this was not the truth. Blaine just didn't seem to be that guy but what did Kurt know? It was not like he knew this boy at all.

On the fourth day he left his room and only because he thought of Claire, the girl who was so close to death and didn't give up. He left the building and rolled back to the playground, watching the children play and run and was relieved that Blaine was not with them. He waited for an hour and then decided to join them and was greeted by cheers and small figured running towards them.

Claire was the first who noticed him, ran over and climbed on his lap to wrap her arms around his neck. Then there was Emma, gasping for air and Kurt told her to calm down. She followed his words and when her breathing became even he smiled at her. Only one smile, only one look at those kids and all the dark clouds left his head.

Together they went back into the building and into their room where the kids showed him what they had been drawing for the past days. One even complained that he didn't come to visit them and he apologized, saying that he acted like an idiot. Some kids giggled and Emma pouted, giving Kurt a look and said: "You are not an idiot."

He smiled at her and then heard one of the boys saying: "Blaine was not here either."

"No?" asked Kurt, clearly surprised about that. Blaine came, at least, every second day and knowing he wasn't here for 4 days was, well, unusual.

"But you can sing with us!"

"Er... no, I-"

"Pleaaaase!" begged Emma and made those huge eyes and pouted.

"Well... okay. What do you want to sing?"

"Disney of course!" said the children and Kurt thought about a song they could sing and he knew. Well, he knew all the songs because he loved Disney himself.

"You've got a friend in me," he began to sing, slightly breathless because he'd never sung in front of the children and he expected them to laugh. But they all made huge eyes, smiled and began to sing with him. The boys pretended to be Woody or Buzz and stood on their beds, clapping along as they sang loud and clear. When the song was over they laughed and clapped and began a new song. It was obviously not the same with a guitar, but Kurt thought they did good when some of the kids were exhausted after the fourth song. He helped Claire into her bed, let Emma kiss his cheek and smiled over her excited thank you. Then it was time for him to leave the kids alone.

* * *

"You're doing good, Kurt," said Jimmy as he held himself up on the bars and tried to move his legs. It was a week later and he found new strength. Everyday he went to visit the kids and sang with them. He had fun with them for a very specific reason. One because he loved seeing them smile, and smile himself and second because of what Claire said to him two days ago.

She said that she liked his voice because it was high and that made him sound happy. She loved that and he never thought about his voice in that way. It was true. People who were sad always spoke in a whisper or very low and he liked this new view of himself. That's where he took his strength from. If he could make people happy with his voice than he wanted to become a performer. He was determined to become one and so he worked his ass off when he went back to his therapy.

But, still, nothing really changed. His legs didn't want to move and he felt his impatience.

"Easy, Kurt. Just focus on your legs," spoke Jimmy.

Nodding, he tried to move but only his hands and arms were listening. One more minute, another and five minutes later he shook his head and Jimmy helped him back into his chair.

Sighing, he wiped the sweat off his forehead and thanked Jimmy when he gave him a bottle of water.

"You are doing really well, Kurt. I mean it. It will take some time but we'll get you there."

"How are you so sure though?" he asked after he took a swig of his water: "They say it's possible and not possible that I will ever walk again."

"I've seen miracles. There were many people who thought they would never walk again or move at all. But they made it because they didn't give up."

Kurt was not a person who gave up easily and after 4 months of living in this chair he was almost tired of his own thoughts and behavior. Not almost, no, he was tired of it.

"You think I can make it?"

Jimmy smiled, honest and warm: "I'm sure you'll make it."

After his therapy he took a shower, the nurse helped him and he rolled outside to the kids, playing with them. It was clearly colder and autumn was close. The green trees slowly turned into their red and gold color. This meant that they couldn't go out as often as they used to because it could rain any day. Blaine didn't come back for a whole week and even Kurt was worried about that. What if something happened? He knew that stuff like that could happen suddenly and he felt a bit of panic inside him. He snapped at Blaine for no real reason and now he may never get the chance to apologize? No, he shook his head. Don't think like that.

Around 6 pm he was back in his room and found a note on his nightstand. As the nurse helped him on his bed he reached out for it and read the words.

I'm sorry if I hurt you. Please call me.

A number was written under the words and he raised an eyebrow.

"Blaine left that for you," said the nurse and her smile was almost dreamy.

"Blaine?" his heart jumped.

"Yes. He came over today and left that note."

Well, apparently Blaine was known here, which was not really surprising. She gave him one last smile and left his room and left Kurt alone. For several minutes he just stared at the note and read the words over and over again, remembering the last time they saw each other and how he snapped at Blaine. Apparently he felt just as bad as Kurt did and all of this was a huge misunderstanding. Maybe he was right and Blaine didn't feel any pity because of his situation.

He huffed, turned the TV on but was not paying any attention. Instead he was fumbling with his phone, staring at the number he just had saved on it. Eventually he began to type a text.

_Kurt: You didn't hurt me._

The answer came only two minutes later.

_Blaine: I'm still sorry for whatever I did._

_Kurt: You did nothing. Really. I just don't like it when people pity me._

_Blaine: I did not pity you. I would never. I know that this isn't helping people. I just really want to help you._

Kurt wondered why. Why would someone like Blaine want to help someone he only knew for a few weeks? Well, not really because he didn't even know if this boy was gay, or how old he was. All he knew was that he could sing and play the guitar and that he made Kurt feel all these funny things.

_Kurt: Why?_

This time it took a bit longer for Blaine to answer him.

_Blaine: Because I really like you._

He felt a jolt run through his body and his cheeks began to burn. He had no idea what to text back and was nervous but also glad that Blaine answered.

_Blaine: I've heard you singing and your voice, Kurt. It's amazing. Really amazing._

He couldn't help but smile and already began to text back before he got another message from Blaine.

_Blaine: And yes I am gay._

_Blaine: You are too, right? I mean I just... I am right, right?_

_Blaine: OMG I'm wrong, right? You probably think I'm a freak._

Kurt actually laughed and texted back to stop Blaine going crazy with sending text after text and saying how sorry he was.

_Kurt: Yes I am gay. Stop freaking out._

_Blaine: :D I'm still sorry tho. I just really want us to be friends._

Friends, thought Kurt. That was not exactly what he wanted but this was probably everything he could get. And that was okay. It was not surprising that someone like Blaine wanted them to be friends instead of more. Anyone would be fine with being Kurt's friend but not more. Because who was ready to deal with a gay kid in a wheelchair.

_Kurt: Friends sounds great._

_Blaine: Cool. Okay, I have to do some homework but I'd like to see you, tomorrow?_

_Kurt: Yeah, sure. Children's ward?_

_Blaine: Yes. I've been busy and I really need to see the kids again._

_Kurt: They really miss you._

Just like Kurt had missed him. Really missed him.


	4. Chapter 4

I forgot to mention something in the last chapter! The stuff about 'how Kurt's voice sounds always happy because it's high and not so low' is actually something Chris Colfer experienced. It's not exactly a quote but the message is the same :)

* * *

Part 4

They next day he woke up with a smile on his face, which hadn't happened since he ended up in this hospital. But he smiled because he was happy about what had happened before he fell asleep. How Blaine left a note for him and gave him his number and apologized for whatever he did. He liked Kurt, and he was gay himself, and Kurt wanted to do kicky feet but he couldn't. However, this didn't affect his good mood, but he told himself to stay calm.

Just because Blaine told him that he liked Kurt and was gay as well was no ticket for a happily ever after. They agreed to be friends and friends was something Kurt could deal with. Though he was not sure for how long. The more he thought about this boy, the more he wanted to be more to him. More than a friend. He wanted to have what any other couple had and Blaine seemed to be the right person for that. If only Kurt wouldn't consider himself as a burden... well, things would be different. He could ask Blaine if they wanted to go out somewhere. Eat something, watch a movie, a concert, anything. With his wheelchair it was no longer that easy because not every building or place was made for his wheels. Not to forget that he still didn't feel safe rolling around the city and in the end it would be Blaine who had to help him. Getting pity and being a burden was the last thing he wanted.

It was not like he expected more, so that was okay. Being friends was okay because Blaine could be a good friend, or so he hoped.

After breakfast and his physical therapy he rolled to the children's ward, greeting the nurses who by now knew him and smiled happily in his presence. They constantly told him how happy and thankful they were that he came over and brought some light and fun into the kid's lives. At some point he did it exactly because of that. He wanted to see them happy. At the beginning he wanted to make himself happy, a completely selfish reason. Now his reason was no longer as selfish as before.

He opened the door and rolled inside, smiling when the kids smiled back and wanted to hug him in greeting. He noticed that Blaine was not around. Although he was feeling a bit sad about that, he tried not to show it and listened to Emma who began to complain about Liam, how he changed the color of Belle's dress. Liam defended himself claiming that he preferred green instead of yellow, and Kurt promised Emma to draw a new picture of Belle.

After that they started guessing characters that Kurt was describing, and instead of holding their hands up, they shouted the answers into the room. He was actually describing Tarzan but Tommy was convinced that it's someone else. Simba.

"He has brown hair and it's long and he walks on all fours."

"It's not Simba, dummy," said Emma dramatically and smacked her forehead with her hand.

"Of course it is, he lives in the Jungle, too!"

They all began to discuss about who Kurt was describing and he really enjoyed seeing them so open and dramatic. Kids were truly a blessing. They didn't think much about what to say and what not. They usually said the truth because lying was not an option for them. They didn't care if someone was black or white, or gay or not. They just cared about if someone was nice or not.

Kurt tried to calm them down when their voices became louder and louder but they only became quiet when the door flew open and there he stood.

He was smiling like he had swallowed the sun, and looking very handsome today. He had a brown cardigan, and under it a orange colored button up and dark, maybe too tight pants. He looked like fall and Kurt really liked that color because it made Blaine's eyes look more like gold. The bow tie and his smoothed down hair made him even look more handsome – though he really liked Blaine's curls he also liked this look. Yeah, he really looked a bit overdressed just for coming here and singing with the children.

"BLAINE!" they jumped up, Kurt felt the ground shaking for a second and ran over to him, almost knocking him over. He laughed with them and Kurt sat in his chair, watching the arms and legs move, hearing them laugh and wished he could do the same. Stand up, walk and fall right into Blaine's arms. He wondered what it would feel like to get a hug from him, to feel him close. Was he as warm as his smile? Soft? Probably. But also hard, like the body of a man. No, he shook his head, not wanting to think that way. Not here.

"I'm happy to see you, too," he laughed and the kids climbed off of him and their eyes met. Blaine smiled slightly breathless and Kurt tried not to blush.

"Hey," he said when Blaine stood next to him and laid his hand on Kurt's shoulder, squeezing it and he tried not to shiver. Yep, Blaine was definitely warm.

"Hey and sorry, again."

"It's alright."

Blaine nodded, keeping his smile and walked towards one of the beds, the children already coming together and waiting for Blaine to sing with them.

"I've heard my friend, Kurt, will sing with us today."

"He has a beautiful voice! He always sounds happy when he sings," said one of the boys.

Kurt said nothing but helped Claire onto his lap while Blaine took his guitar and nodded slowly.

"Where have you been though?" asked Emma and tugged on Blaine's hand.

"School stuff. It's my last year so I have a lot to do."

Last year, huh? So Blaine was around his age?

"But you'll won't make us wait again?"

"No. I promise," he laughed and held his guitar. "Alright, what do you guys think about singing 'A Whole New World'?" He saw the many heads nodding and Claire giggled against his chest. With one last wide smile Blaine began to play the song and sang the first words alone. Then they joined in and at some point he pressed his finger against his lips and the kids were quiet. But Blaine kept on playing, giving Kurt an encouraging look and he understood though he needed a second or two before he sang alone on one part of the song.

It felt good to sing something, finally sing something and not think about that he would never sing on stage because he couldn't walk. It felt good to just do what he loved and smiled when Claire sang with him. Then the other kids sang along but Blaine did not sing. He was just playing and when Kurt looked up and met his eyes he almost stopped singing himself. The other boy was staring at him, mouth slightly open and his fingers moving on their own, knowing this song by heart now. It was almost like he could see inside Kurt, or tried to do that and he was not sure how to respond, or respond at all. So he kept on singing while his heart was beating way too fast.

* * *

They left the children's ward when the nurses and doctors came. It was raining outside so there was no chance to go outside. Too bad, thought Kurt, but this flew out of his head when he realized he was alone with Blaine. Alone, rolling to the elevator and... he had no idea what to say or do. Usually they would have gone outside, played with the kids and then they all would go back to their rooms or home.

Not that day. And Blaine made sure that Kurt didn't even think this day would end like any other.

"Do you... have some time? We could, I don't know, drink some coffee or just... talk?"

Kurt was quiet, considering, but there was not much to think about. His dad wouldn't be visiting him today, and his friend left Ohio almost two months ago.

"I could... really use some company," he admitted and it was harder than he thought. Alone, with Blaine, in his room. That sounded like a nice dream.

"Good!" he smiled, obviously happy about that as they left the elevator together. Kurt rolled down the hallway, stopped at the door 21 and opened it, Blaine right behind him. At his bed he pressed the button for the nurse and soon she was with them, helping Kurt out of his chair. While she did that his eyes were focused on anything but Blaine, still being a little afraid to see pity in his eyes. Because this, letting Blaine see him in such a vulnerable state was even surprising for Kurt.

However, somewhere, deep inside him, he was sure he could trust Blaine for not giving him that look he really hated.

The nurse left them when Kurt was safe on his bed and Blaine walked closer, taking the chair and sitting down next to the bed.

"My mother made me some sandwiches. She always does that when I come over here and play for the kids. We can share if you want to."

Kurt nodded, really missing home made food. Carole made sure to come over and give him something, but she was busy too, taking care of other people in the hospital. He took the two sandwiches out, handed Kurt one and whispered a thank you before he took a bite. It tasted amazing and he almost moaned shamelessly about that fact. So he groaned and said: "This is really good."

"Right? My mom's a good cook. She owns her own restaurant here in Lima," he said when he took another bite.

"So you're from Lima?"

"Not really. We moved here some months ago. I used to live in Westerville before my parents got divorced."

"Oh, sorry about that."

"Nah, it's okay though. My dad is kind of a jerk. When I came out he tried to make me straight and my mother left him because of that. So I'm actually doing fine."

"What a jerk indeed," said Kurt and made Blaine laugh. He liked that he could make him laugh and he loved the sound of that.

"What about you?"

"I live in Lima together with my dad. My mother died when I was eight. But it's okay, really. My dad is pretty amazing."

"Not homophobic?"

"Not at all," said Kurt and took another bite of his sandwich, chewed, swallowed and said: "He knew it before I came out and he had a hard time, but he was always supportive."

Blaine smiled, taking another bite and finished his sandwich.

"Are you going to McKinley?" asked Kurt because he was sure if Blaine was there he would have noticed him.

"No. I'm going to Dalton. I went to Dalton when we were still living in Westerville and it's a good school so I wanted to spent my last year at Dalton, too."

Kurt raised both eyebrows, calculating the distance from Lima to Westerville.

"Are you driving from Lima to Westerville and back every day?"

"No. Dalton is a good school but we also have a lot to study that's why they have dorms so I sleep there. That's why I'm just here every other day."

It kind of made no sense to Kurt why someone would come to a Lima hospital just to sing for kids. It was not like Westerville had none.

"But, why here? Isn't it exhausting and time consuming?" He finished his sandwich while Blaine spoke.

"It's all about time management. I come here to visit my mom and support her whenever I can. Though she left my father it doesn't mean she did it just like that. She was heartbroken, had a panic attack and we ended up here. I was so worried about her that I just kept walking around and somehow ended up at the children's ward. I saw those kids and just... I wanted to see them smile and since then I come here whenever I can and sing with them. It's also because music helped my mother. And it worked. The kids are doing much better."

Knowing that Blaine did this just because he wanted to and not because he had to, or felt pity for them, made Kurt smile. He was right about Blaine having a good heart and cared about people's happiness.

"You went to McKinley, right?"

"Yeah," nodded Kurt. "Fortunately I graduated before I had the car accident."

"Car accident, huh?" spoke Blaine slowly, resting his arms on the bed and his chin on them, looking up to Kurt. He was so close, Kurt only needed to lift his hand and he could touch him. His curls, his face, but he did not. In fact, he felt a bit creepy wanting to do this though he didn't know this boy yet. That was just the beginning.

"Yeah. I was in a coma for three weeks and when I woke up I couldn't move my legs. It's been like this for almost four months now. The first three I couldn't handle it but since I met the kids, I feel better."

"They do help a person, right?"

Kurt nodded.

"Please, don't take this the wrong way. But, if I were you and knew I had a chance to walk again, I'd try."

Kurt leaned back with a sigh not really wanting to be mad at Blaine because it was true. There was a chance, but he was not ready to grab it and fall into this dark hole again. He feared that place more than anything and he rather tried to deal with it than go back there.

"You know, when I came out it was... not fun. Really. Before Dalton I went to a public school and it was not gay friendly. But I felt still safe, asked a friend out to be my date to the Sadie Hawkins dance. We had fun, just fun and after the dance they beat us up, so badly that I ended up in a hospital as well."

While Blaine spoke and Kurt registered his words he felt sorry and angry for what had happened to him and his friend. Bullies were something he was familiar with, but not on that level. The urge to reach out for his hand and squeeze it was strong, but he refused, entwining his fingers and keeping his hands on his lap.

"I had several injuries, a broken arm and leg and also laid in a coma for a week. When I woke up I couldn't move my arm and it was really scary. But it just came from the shock or something. I don't even remember but, what I'm trying to say is, don't give up yet. There is a chance."

The way Blaine spoke about this, something that must have changed his life, without sadness, without anger, was surprising and showing Kurt how brave and strong this boy truly was. He was so much more than handsome and charming and he really couldn't stop but feeling more for him and see him in a brighter, bigger light.

"I'm sorry what happened to you. Homophobes are the worst."

"They are, right? But they won't get us down."

They shared a smile and then Blaine checked his watch and stood up.

"I'm sorry but I have to go now," he pulled the strap of his bag over his head and let it rest on his left shoulder: "We can... text later?"

"I'd love to," and when he said it he wanted to press his hands against his mouth but refused because the other boy smiled, warm and wide.

"Later."

* * *

October came, fall too, and Kurt honestly felt like he was himself again. Alive, happy and not just dreaming and hoping. Everyday he'd go to his therapy, tried harder and though nothing changed, it didn't bring him down. The kids were still his fountain of happiness and he realized that he could have had it much worse. And he got something else too, something new.

Blaine joining him in his room was not a one time thing. After they spent some time with the kids, he joined Kurt in his room, talking, getting to know each other or doing his homework when he had a lot to do. When Blaine did his homework Kurt usually read something, not wanting to disturb him. This was his new favorite time of the day, well every second day, and he just enjoyed the pleasant company. He enjoyed watching him, not trying to be creepy or too obvious, but he enjoyed watching him write something down. How his face became calm and then a bit tense when he thought pretty hard. And then the small victory smile when he found the solution or understood something.

Yes, October started pretty amazingly, and his dad noticed the change in Kurt's mood, too.

His father was more relaxed, almost relieved that his son was no longer this grumpy, hopeless person he used to be in the past weeks. Even Kurt needed to thank his dad for deciding that it was better to keep him in the hospital for a while longer instead of traveling home and back.

"Can we go out? Like, for a walk? It's really pretty outside," suggested Blaine when they left the children's ward.

"Uh, sure. I just need a jacket and a blanket for my legs."

They stopped at Kurt's room to get those things and, again, the other boy proved that he understood Kurt. He didn't help him get into his jacket nor wrapping the blanket around Kurt's legs. In the past weeks they developed a trust between each other.. To trust Blaine was actually easy and usually Kurt would have felt alarmed that he trusted someone, just like that. There was something about Blaine that just screamed that it was the right thing to do.

Outside Blaine walked beside him, watching the red, orange and yellow leaves falling, covering the road of gray stone and breathing in the cold but fresh wind. Kurt had to admit that outside the hospital, it was very pretty. All the trees, the playground for the kids, the flowers and the silence, a blessing for his soul. Even silence was comfortable with Blaine and he smiled about that, cheeks turning pink.

"How are the Warblers doing, though?" he asked and looked up to Blaine, who looked really handsome with his red scarf and dark jacket.

"Wes is a pain in the ass, pardon my French." Kurt chuckled, and Blaine continued. "It's our last year and we are all close to a mental breakdown because of the amount of stuff we have to study for December. But he still tries to squeeze more hours of practice into our schedule. Luckily we are all against it so he won't win."

"He has to study, too. Or is he one of those super smart kids?" asked Kurt, slightly breathless because he was not used to using his hands and arms that much. Also, the path they were walking was a bit steep. He didn't complain though, not wanting to be a burden.

"Not really. He's just good at managing his time. Not every Warbler can do that. But, as long as we vote against it there won't be more hours for practice than we already have."

"That's... good," he said and then his hand began to hurt and he stopped, braking and pulling the levers for the brakes so he wouldn't roll away.

"Hey, are you alright?" asked Blaine, his voice clearly worried as he hunkered down to be on eye-level with Kurt who rubbed his hand and wrist.

"Yeah, I just need a break. I'm not used to... using this chair that much."

Well, he didn't like to roll around anywhere and stand in the way or get all these pitying looks. There were too many people in Lima who knew him and, no, he didn't need this fake pity from people who never cared.

Blaine was silent, his eyes watching Kurt's hands and then he reached out, touching his hand gently and it felt good, so good. His fingers were warm and gentle, soft on his skin and making Kurt forget the slight burn underneath it. Then his fingers wrapped around Kurt's hand, holding it safe and warm, and he had trouble breathing. Everything was just warm, from his head down to the rest of his body. God, he was so out of this world that he even believed his toes were moving.

"Let me help you?" Blaine asked, not commanded, not stated but asked.

Kurt couldn't say no. Not while those big golden eyes, so close, so beautiful, were looking at him like that. But he waited before he nodded, wanting to feel this hand around his for a while longer and wishing, he could just stand up and hold this hand. He nodded and Blaine made a happy noise, jumping up and stepping behind the wheelchair.

"I'll be careful, trust me."

Oh, Kurt had no doubt about that. Actually, after their hands lost contact he was almost glad that Blaine stood behind him and didn't see his cheeks burning, right to the tips of his ears. Yes, this fall started pretty amazingly for him. He found a good friend. A friend he was falling slowly in love with.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the late update. It's really not easy to write this fic but I worked on the plot so I guess I'll be able to update regularly. And I have more time to focus on that fic since all my other fics (expect one I started last Saturday) are finished. Now, let's start with part 5 because I made a little happy dance while writing this.

* * *

Part 5

Blaine handed him a cup of coffee. For some crazy reason Kurt agreed to go somewhere else outside the grounds of the hospital. Actually, the reason was pretty simple. He ached for some kind of normalcy in his life. Living in a hospital was not normal, at least not for him. When could he leave it, he had no idea, but it was definitely something he needed to talk about with his dad.

Since it was almost December they wore gloves, scarves and beanies, Kurt need more because he couldn't move. Blaine sat down on the bench next to Kurt, sipping his coffee and looked tired. No wonder, his exams were pretty close and this was probably the last day when they could see each other. Kurt didn't approve, that's why he asked.

"Will you come back before Christmas?"

"Definitely. When are you leaving?"

"My dad said something around the twenty second of December."

Blaine smiled, his cheeks pink from the cold: "Excited for Christmas?"

"I don't know. But I can't wait to eat some homemade food."

"What about your therapy?"

Kurt shrugged, but it was not a sad shrug. "Jimmy said I'm doing well, but I don't feel anything changing."

Blaine reached out for his hand and it began to feel natural. Whenever he wanted to encourage him or calm him down, he reached out for his hand and squeezed it, held it and didn't let go. The first time this happened Kurt was excited, then confused because his friend clearly had nothing against some physical contact – to be honest he was sure Blaine was a cuddle monster – and somehow it became a natural thing.

To not be able to feel his hand was unnatural for Kurt, and he knew he would miss holding his warm hand. The fact that they held hands outside of the hospital, around the people from Lima who weren't exactly gay friendly, didn't even bother him anymore.

"So will it only be you and your dad on Christmas?"

"No. Carole will be with us, my stepmom."

Silence and then Blaine asked something Kurt really did not expect to hear.

"No boyfriend?"

He looked up, eyebrows raised and wondered how he came up with this. Wasn't it obvious that he had no boyfriend?

"Um... no. I mean, you would've met him, I guess."

"Maybe. I just wanted to be sure."

* * *

Blaine's question was like a ghost, whispering in his ear at any time, even in his sleep. He having a boyfriend? His father being so worried sick about him was enough for Kurt, and a boyfriend would only mean more drama for him. Even if he had a boyfriend, would this guy still be with him? He knew that only his legs weren't moving anymore, but everything else was fine. Yes, his cock was perfectly fine. Still, who would want to have sex with him when he couldn't move his legs considering Kurt was too afraid to even try that.

If he met the wrong person, they could take advantage of his handicap and do whatever with him. Not to forget that he was a virgin anyway. Funny how that's what he thought about when they told him what was wrong with his legs. That he could never have sex and probably die as a virgin. Now there was Blaine, asking if he had a boyfriend and Kurt wondered, almost wanted this to mean something else. Something more. Why would a gay guy ask him if he was single or not if he wasn't interested in him. Any other guy, yes. Blaine was not any other guy. He was completely out of his league, something so beautiful that Kurt wanted to call his own.

He hated to think that way, but, who would want that burden? Him in a wheelchair. He needed places that were wheelchair friendly, Blaine would need to help him into bed when he couldn't, or give him a cup because they were too high for him to reach. Who wanted such a boyfriend? In less than a year Blaine would be done with school and would go to New York or wherever and study. Kurt probably would not. He was stuck in Lima. Fucking Lima which he hated so much. He hated when Blaine was not around him even more. The last time he'd seen Blaine was when they went out for coffee and he asked Kurt if he had a boyfriend, which was two weeks ago. All he could do was continue to visit the kids and explain to them why Blaine couldn't come, and then attend his physical therapy. Carole and his father were too busy with work, but that was okay. They already asked who Blaine was and he was not ready to admit anything.

* * *

"Where is Claire?" asked Kurt when he entered the room for the kids and couldn't find her.

"We don't know. Her mommy was here today and cried a lot and then they left with Claire and the doctor."

He tried to stay calm and not show them the shock he was feeling. Asking why Claire's mother cried could cause exactly what he wanted to avoid. He didn't want to make the children worry. So he smiled instead and began to draw with the kids. Clearly, they weren't in the mood to sing anything. There were also not up for drawing anything either. Their eyes went back to Claire's bed whenever they could and Kurt tried to distract them even though they all wanted to know what happened. Was she okay? Was it a good cry or a bad cry? When the kids asked him if she was alright, he knew that you couldn't hide anything from a child. They knew more, so much more.

Just like he understood so much when he was just a kid. He hated it when the adults thought he didn't understand anything.

"Do you think she's okay?" asked one of the boys.

"I hope so," Kurt didn't want to lie. Saying that he thought she was okay would have been a lie.

An hour later, when he finally was able to distract the kids he rolled out of the room and straight to the nurses station who smiled at him, and he smiled back before he asked.

"Is Claire alright?"

He was not sure if they would tell him anything since he was not a family member and he understood if they said nothing. It was just that Claire had gotten pretty close to him, her body too weak to do anything when they went outside, so she sat on Kurt's lap, watching the others have fun just like he did.

The nurse smiled sweetly, nodding and Kurt's heart felt so much lighter. Maybe Claire would come back with good news. He really hoped so.. The kids didn't deserve what they had. They were still so young and there was so much to see.

He waited for Claire to come back, staying longer than necessary, and at some point he ended up reading for the kids. He read Harry Potter of course, because some of them couldn't read yet and wanted to hear that story. The first book was more child friendly – it began to get darker around the third book – so he read, some still listening, some already sleeping. At some point they all fell asleep and Kurt closed the book to check his phone.

No new text from Blaine. The last one he got was before his first final exam and he was probably too busy studying. They talked about the amount they had to study at Dalton and compared to Kurt's school, it was a lot more, so he stayed patient and wanted to be the understanding friend.

That didn't mean that he wasn't missing Blaine. Because he did, badly. Whenever he went back into his room he stared at the chair instead of watching TV and imagined Blaine sitting there, telling him about his mother and her restaurant. Or his brother who was a bit crazy but working hard to become an actor. He even missed the rambling about Wes still trying to push more hours of practice into their schedule. But even more than all that, he missed hearing Blaine's voice. His voice was so calming and gentle, low and sometimes high when he got excited. It just found a way right into his whole being and kept him calm. Kurt really missed that.

* * *

The next day he went back to the children's ward and found Claire, grinning from ear to ear as she stood next to the door, holding the hand of her mother. Or so it seemed to be because Kurt couldn't remember this woman working here. He rolled closer and hugged her hello when she stretched her arms out.

"You must be Kurt, right?" said the woman with blond short hair and so beautifully dressed. She didn't look like she was super rich or anything. She just looked kind and knew how to dress herself.

"That's right," he said and rubbed Claire's back.

"She told me a lot about you. Thank you for making her happy while she was having a hard time."

Kurt blinked, taking the words in and then asked: "Was having?"

Claire smirked at Kurt while her mother nodded, eyes glistening with tears but the smile told him everything. Those tears happened because something good happened and he smiled though he wasn't sure if he was right.

"Claire made it. The cancer has gone."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Kurt and pulled her back into his arms, kissing her on the cheek and she made a disgusted sound. All he could do was giggle about that. She was okay, she beat the cancer and he was truly, really, happy for her.

"She'll stay here for a couple of days but for Christmas she'll be back home," said her mother and ran her hand over Claire's bald head.

"Can I go back inside, Mommy? Kurt will sing with us."

"Of course," her mother smiled and Kurt risked a closer look. This woman was beautiful and well dressed but he could see the lines of worries and stress she must have been through. It was the same lines his father wore since the accident. But slowly they disappeared and he was sure, very soon she was going to look alive again.

Claire cheered and went back into the room, Kurt smiled and turned back to her mother.

"I'm really grateful, Kurt. You and Blaine do a lot for the kids. Apparently laughter is the best medicine."

Kurt smiled at her and then she looked a bit serious.

"I hope you'll be okay, too?"

"Oh," he breathed, looking down at his legs and shrugged but still smiling: "I will be. I just need some more time I guess."

The woman smiled and excused herself, going back to the nurses and he joined the kids in their room.

Later he texted Blaine and hoped that this news would cheer him up and help him to stay motivated. Because Kurt was. After learning that Claire was healthy and cancer free, he found new strength. If this small girl, who always seemed so weak and sad, won her fight, then he could do the same. One day he would walk again and visit her just to play or run with her. Feeling alive and motivated, he texted Blaine the news.

* * *

It was his last day at the hospital and all the kids were already back home. Therefore the hospital became too quiet. Besides his therapy and visiting the cafeteria, it was too quiet and his room seemed colder than ever since the snow was falling. After lunch Kurt decided to go outside knowing the grounds of the hospital were safe and he needed some fresh air. If he rolled around and exhausted himself enough, he would fall asleep pretty fast and wake up with his dad already ready to pick him up.

He pressed the button and moments later the nurse came inside, helped him get dressed and into his wheelchair. He took the elevator, smiling at the Christmas decorations and greeted the people he saw and hoped it would lighten his mood. It did a little bit when he got smiles in return. The falling snowflakes were small, not enough to soak into his clothes too quickly so he was safe to spend at least an hour, maybe two outside.

He rolled to the playground which was already pretty covered in snow, but lifeless without anyone playing there. Then he rolled through the small park, watched a dog enjoying the snow way too much, and a couple laughing at the puppy. Maybe it was his first time experiencing snow.

He rolled around and around and an hour later he was sitting next to a small Christmas house with hot chocolate and chocolate candy and lots of other Christmas decor. He bought himself a cup of hot chocolate and drank it, while the woman inside the small house talked to someone about the gifts she bought for her wife. That made him think about the fact that he didn't have any gifts for anyone. Which was not surprising at all, considering that he couldn't leave the hospital and had no money for gifts. But, he knew no one would blame him for this. So, next year, when he could walk again, he was going to buy twice as many gifts for his family.

Placing the cup safely between his legs, he pulled his beanie further down so that it was covering his ears and his covered, but yet cold, fingers wrapped around the warm cup, ready to take another sip, when he noticed someone running. Someone familiar, with adorable red cheeks and slightly out of breath.

"Kurt!" Blaine called and Kurt smiled, wide and happy as he stood next to him, catching his breath. He looked so adorable with his curls sticking out from under his beanie.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry... I wanted to come earlier, but I couldn't."

"That's okay, you were busy."

Blaine nodded, smiling: "I was, but I hoped I could see you before you left."

His cheeks were already red from the cold so he was glad that his blush went unnoticed.

"I was in your room but you weren't there," he began to explain and ordered himself a hot chocolate, flashing a charming smile towards the woman, but right after that all his attention was focused on Kurt. " I thought you were already gone but they told me you went out so, I went looking for you."

He was rambling, talking just for the sake of it or to have something to do. For some reason his friend seemed to be excited and Kurt was almost sure that it was because of Claire. Blaine had texted him back, celebrating through a text like he had never seen before.

"No, I'm still here. My dad is going to pick me up tomorrow."

"Lucky me... I guess."

Okay something was definitely different, Kurt thought. Blaine was always kind of... straight forward but since he had asked him about this boyfriend thing, it almost seemed like... everything had changed. Only in which direction and was it good for them? He wasn't so sure about that to be honest. Even a bit nervous and, of course, the worst thoughts crossed his mind.

What if Blaine had someone? What if something happened and they wouldn't see each other again? These were the things crossing his mind, but when he felt Blaine's hand take his, just as gentle and warm as always, he almost laughed at his thoughts.

Blaine was his friend, they exchanged numbers and, hopefully, they would stay friends, despite everything he felt for him. So he smiled back when his friend smiled, squeezed his hand and then let go to pay for his cup of hot chocolate.

"What about your exams? I hope you did good?"

"Well," Blaine said as he walked around Kurt, holding the handles and pushing the wheelchair back towards the hospital. "It was a lot to study and at some point I was sure my brain would leak out of my ears. Then I heard Wes' voice in my head, reminding me to do my best or I'd get more hours of practice. But, I think I did well."

Kurt snorted.

"What about you? You said Claire won her battle against cancer?"

"She did," he said with a radiant smile: "The other kids are fine, too. but they're already home so... I was kind of lonely for the past few days. Besides my therapy there wasn't really... much to do."

Actually, he never wanted to admit this to Blaine, but he couldn't stop his mouth from speaking when they were together. Sometimes he was almost sure that he said those adjectives – like adorable, handsome – out loud, but apparently, he did not.

"Sorry to hear that," said his friend, voice filled with remorse.

"No, it's okay. I understand that you guys are busy."

They were back inside the hospital and taking the elevator to Kurt's room. Thankfully, because he was frozen despite the warm clothes and the blanket around his legs. Once inside he took his gloves, scarf, beanie and coat off, Blaine took those things from him and hung them up in the small closet.

The nurse followed them in and helped Kurt back into his bed. He smiled when she left and Blaine sat on his chair again, and smiled at Kurt.

"I have a lot of time today. My mom won't be back until later so, I can stay if you want me to."

"Well, you have to make up for all the hours you weren't here," joked Kurt, making Blaine laugh.

"Tell me about the time I wasn't here. Did the kids miss me?"

Kurt rolled his eyes because yes, they missed Blaine a lot and the singing was not the same without Blaine's guitar. He told him about the boys fighting over the guitar even though neither of them could play. He told him about Emma complaining about Bobby – who came back for a few days. Eventually he told him about Claire and her mom and how happy he was for her. Seeing this miracle opened his own eyes, and made him seriously try to walk again, but he left that part out. It was something he wanted only for himself. Blaine, like his father, were supporting him on a different level which he was also grateful for.

While he was talking, Blaine rested his head on the mattress, close to Kurt's hand and smiled, humming occasionally to signal to Kurt that he was listening. However, there wasn't much to tell and when he stopped, a comfortable silence filled the room, but his fingers ached to reach out and touch Blaine's curls, which were free from gel that day. Then Blaine spoke and basically made Kurt stop breathing for a second.

"Did you miss me?"

Trying to stay calm and to not give too much away he said simply: "Yes, of course." Because, sometimes, Blaine just opened all these feelings he tried to hide so bad. One word, one glance, and it all came back. Warm, beautiful feelings he wanted to express through words or actions but was too scared to be rejected. The reasons were clear, he was not exactly boyfriend material with his legs not able to move. Not yet, maybe one day, and maybe it wouldn't even be Blaine but someone else.

Just because he was falling in love with this boy, didn't mean that the boy felt the same way. That wasn't anything that had ever happened to Kurt. Whoever he liked, or had a crush on, never felt the same way back. What he felt for Blaine was more, bigger and would hurt even more when he got rejected.

"I missed your voice," said his friend and Kurt felt his fingers before he saw them. They wrapped gently around his hand, held them warm and safe and his thumb caressed his skin... he stopped breathing, once again. Licking his lips, he moved his eyes back to Blaine's face, meeting the gold and the silence was almost too much to handle.

"Can I kiss you?"

Kurt nodded, his heart screaming – yes! Of course! but his mind was no longer working. There he sat, Kurt Hummel, 17 years old watching this handsome, beautiful boy slowly sit up and move closer, painfully slow. His own body moved towards Blaine, wanting to feel those lips on his and when they met, eyes closed, he inhaled sharply.

He had never kissed anyone before. Never had he met someone who wanted to kiss him or even asked him if it was okay. He was feeling all the sparks and explosions inside him happening, but beyond that all his senses were focused on Blaine. Focused on the hand holding his, the warm lips, soft, even sweet from the hot chocolate, pressing onto his own. A kiss that said all the things even Blaine couldn't say. So much, almost too much so he took a hold of Blaine's arm with his free hand and felt the other holding his face gently.

His first kiss and Kurt thought that it was perfect.

What felt like an eternity was only a few seconds long and then Blaine pulled back, giving them the room to breath but stayed close, foreheads touching. Kurt could hear him breathe, even figured that he was smiling.

"Blaine," he spoke but his mouth was so dry that he needed a moment. "What..."

"I really like you, Kurt. Really. And... I just want to be with you."

The grip around Blaine's biceps became tighter while he felt dizzy with everything he felt and everything Blaine said.

"And I really don't care if you can't walk or have only one leg."

At any other moment Kurt would have rolled his eyes but instead he couldn't stop the small laugh. At any other moment, with any other person, Kurt would have had big doubts about his honesty. But this was Blaine, his friend who had been honest and open to him from the start. Maybe, and he really hoped that this was his time to finally find something, someone special and have this person in this special way. Maybe, it really didn't matter that he couldn't walk. Love, people said, was stronger than anything, but this, what was between them, that was not love, not yet.

"I... I need you to be sure. I'm not-"

"I am sure," answered Blaine and his voice was steady, convincing and his hand around Kurt's held on a bit tighter. Slowly he pulled back and rested his head against Blaine's shoulder, feeling the right hand let go of his own and slung around his shoulders, carefully and gently, like Blaine was not sure if he was allowed to do that. That's why Kurt melted into the embrace, letting him know that it was more than okay.

"I know that... I understand your situation. I really do and I'm sure there will be times when things will be hard. But I really, really want to be with you and stand beside you through everything."

This all was too good to be true. Everything, the kiss, the words. Only because Blaine was here, close and warm and holding him safe, pressing his lips against Kurt's forehead he believed him. He dared to believe him because this boy never gave him a reason not to. Not in the nearly four months that they knew each other.

Kurt sighed, trying not to doubt, even waiting for the moment to wake up from this nice dream. Though, when Blaine pulled back again, both of his hands held Kurt's face gently so they were looking at each other and he listened again, he watched Blaine's eyes as he spoke.

"I mean it, really. You may think I'm not certain about this because you can't walk. But I am. I really am. It's something... I've felt since we met, deep down and I tried to ignore it but, I can't."

"Me too," spoke Kurt before his heart could explode or stop. He needed Blaine to know this, too. "I felt something... the moment we met and it just... grew bigger. But I thought it would never... you know."

This feeling, when he saw Blaine's smile and his eyes shining even more and the golden color looking like liquid, he knew his words and feelings found a place in this heart. Finally. His hand let go of Kurt's face and he wanted them back, but understood why Blaine did that.

All Kurt could do was move his upper body. Running away was not possible and defending himself either. The boy in front of him understood that and wanted Kurt to feel safe and know that he would never force him to do anything. Just like any other time when they were together. Yes, he understood Kurt's situation, better than Kurt thought.

"Can I... kiss you again?"

"Yes," Kurt laughed, giddy with happiness as he smiled into the next kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! Welcom to part 6.

* * *

Part 6

It was Christmas and Kurt was back at home for two weeks, which was good, but he really missed his time with everyone at the hospital. Especially his time with Blaine.

"So, who is this Blaine guy?" asked his father when they were eating dinner together. Carole smiled at Kurt and gave him a knowing look. Well, Carole knew about him and his visits in the children's ward and she also knew about him and Blaine spending time together. But, he hadn't told anyone that they were boyfriends. Not yet. The evening before he went home when Blaine kissed him ended with them holding hands, watching tv and sharing more sweet kisses before Blaine had to go. It was only three days, but he already missed him terribly. He missed his lips and his warm hand. He missed his voice even though he had just spoken to him yesterday evening.

"He is a friend," Kurt half lied. "He sings with the children in the children's ward and that's where we met."

"Uh huh," hummed Burt and his own food was no longer interesting to him. "And he is _just_ a friend?"

Kurt tried to stay calm and not give his father any hints that there was more. But, he knew it was not that easy because his father knew him. After all, he was the one who knew Kurt was gay before he even came out to him.

"I like him, yeah. But we're just friends."

He didn't want their relationship to be a secret, but he was sure as soon as his father knew what they really were, he was going to visit him more often and make sure that Blaine understood what he was getting himself into. Even if Kurt explained to him that he really enjoyed and even needed the time alone with Blaine, his father would do anything so his boy wouldn't get hurt. Kurt didn't want to get hurt either, but he still trusted Blaine.

"Okay," his father dropped the topic of Blaine: "What about your therapy?"

"Nothing new. I try and try but there is still no difference."

What was weird at the beginning, literally not feeling his lower body, became normal at some point. Actually his legs felt more like a burden to him because he couldn't do much. Climbing out of his chair was exhausting, climbing into it because of the weight... but Jimmy was so optimistic about him walking again and Claire being cancer free, that Kurt didn't even go there in his mind. The place where everything was dark and cold.

"But I'm convinced that things will change soon."

His words brought silence, one that literally filled the room and was almost touchable. His father stared at him, Carole smiled and he shrugged, continued eating, and not even trying to hide his small smile.

After dinner and some tv, Burt helped Kurt into his bed and wished his son a good night. Once he was alone he took out his phone and read the text Blaine had sent him.

_Blaine: Merry Christmas!_

_Blaine: My mom asked me why I'm so happy. She gets suspicious I guess._

_Blaine: I really want to come over and see you._

_Blaine: I miss your voice..._

_Blaine: sorry... I'm kind of clingy..._

Kurt smiled over the last words he read and sighed. He wished the same, Blaine in his room and just being together. Maybe they'd talk, maybe they'd watch something or just kiss. He was okay with anything as long as this boy was close to him. He made him feel so much happiness, which nearly brought him to tears.

When something happens in a person's life that changes everything, sometimes people think about the weirdest things. Not really weird, but weird for the situation they are in. After his accident, he thought about really unimportant things. Such as, would he ever find someone who wanted to be his boyfriend, that he would probably never get his first kiss because of his handicap. That he couldn't kick anyone anymore, or wear his favorite boots and show them off. The fact that he couldn't walk, that he was glued to a wheelchair, wasn't his first concern. That came later.

_Kurt: I miss you too, so that makes us both clingy?_

_Blaine: You're back! And yes, I like us both clingy. It makes me feel less like a creep._

Kurt snorted.

_Kurt: You aren't creepy. You were pretty handsome the last time I saw you._

A blush crawled over his cheeks and he bit his lip when he read Blaine's answer.

_Blaine: And you are very beautiful. :)_

It felt so good to be called beautiful. It felt good to have someone who wanted to be with him, who would kiss him and make him smile in this special way. Someone who accepted Kurt's life and his current situation. At least for now, because Kurt kept in mind how frustrating things could get. Now Blaine was okay with him, but maybe in a few weeks, or months he wouldn't be anymore. Not because of who he was, but because of what they couldn't do because he was in a wheelchair.

Although, when he thought about it, Artie had it pretty damn well. He had girlfriends, plenty of fun and everything. Maybe, Kurt hoped he would be just as lucky even if he could never walk again.

_Kurt: I really want to see you._

And he really wanted to see him. Everything inside him ached for Blaine. This was his first boyfriend, who could blame him for wanting to spent as much time as possible with him? No one and he didn't even care. All his friends went through this, got the chance to be with someone and now it was _his_ time. He wanted the walks, the small talk, shy smiles and giggles. He wanted to hold Blaine's hand and kiss him some more.

_Blaine: Well, we can go for a walk tomorrow evening? I'm busy with visiting family during the day but I'll be back around 7pm?_

Before he could text back there was a new message.

_Blaine: What about your dad? Will he be okay if I pick you up?_

_Kurt: I think so. You make me happy and he wants me to be happy after everything._

_Blaine: I want to make you happy._

Though it was just a text, he almost could hear Blaine saying it. Warm, gentle and giving him a warm look. He wished to not just imagine it, but to actually see it, hear him saying it right next to him. A happy sigh fell from his lips and his eyes fell closed, letting this warm feeling fill his body for a moment.

_Kurt: You do._

He heard a knock on his door and said it was okay to come inside. His father appeared behind the door and held a letter in his hand, his expression almost sad. But just almost.

"I've got something for you," he said and walked over to Kurt's bed, sitting down and holding the letter in his hands to explain more. Kurt already knew what this letter was about.

"I didn't want to show you the letter and get you even more frustrated. But I see that you're doing much better and I'm sorry that I kept this from you."

He handed Kurt the letter and right there was the unmistakable NYADA logo. He unfolded it and began to read the message he had hoped to get before his accident - that he got in, and he did. Only the tiniest of smiles was on his lips, along with the feeling of success and certainty that he was good. Good enough to get into NYADA.

"I called them and explained what happened. They were sorry and wished only the best for you and to get better. I even tried to convince them to keep the spot for you, but they began to talk about how since it wasn't certain whether you would-"

"It's okay, dad. Really."

His father looked anything but okay while Kurt really didn't feel sad. Just knowing that he got in and that he could have studied there was a big deal for him. Yet another reason to keep on trying and get back to his old, no, into _better_ shape.

"I'll just audition again. Or study fashion design. No big deal," he said and watched his father smile a little bit.

* * *

Kurt was excited and even more when he heard the doorbell ring. He rolled out of the living room into the hallway, his father right behind him, eyes awake and waiting. He opened the door and smiled at Blaine who stood there, this handsome young man, and took Kurt's breath away with his soft smile and warm eyes. All he wanted was to be able to stand up and kiss him hello or for Blaine to bend down and kiss him, but he knew today was not that day.

He was just happy to see him and felt really excited about the fact that here was a boy who liked him, who wanted to kiss him, and was his boyfriend, standing right in his doorway. It was weird but also heartwarming.

"Hello Kurt," said Blaine, Kurt giving him room to get inside. His boyfriend looked up when he noticed Kurt's dad standing behind him. "Hello Mister Hummel and Merry Christmas. My name is Blaine Anderson." They shook hands and Kurt watched his father, closely.

"Nice to meet you, Blaine. And thanks for being a good friend to Kurt."

Blaine flashed him a smile, turned around to see Kurt putting on his scarf and beanie. Burt helped him into his coat and handed him the blanket so Kurt could wrap it around his legs. He just hoped that they weren't too obvious through their heart eyes and smiles.

"I promise to bring him back safe and sound."

Burt grunted his okay and Kurt already spun around to face the door. He was so ready to leave this house and be alone with Blaine.

"See you later, dad."

Blaine followed him, closed the door and took the handles of Kurt's wheelchair to push him forward. He ached to reach out for Blaine's hand, but he couldn't hold it and take control of his wheelchair with the other. Blaine couldn't do that either. The cons of sitting in a wheelchair, he thought.

"What do you say about some tea, coffee or hot chocolate, and then we'll find a place less crowded?" he asked his boyfriend.

"Tea sounds perfect."

It was weird to spent his time with Blaine outside of the hospital. Weird to let a person help him. Beside all the weirdness, Kurt felt happy. Truly happy and he didn't stop smiling for one second. Everything about Blaine was just... god. Perfect almost. How he let Kurt do whatever he was able to do and not treat him like he was some small, ignorant kid.

Kurt let Blaine help him whenever needed. It was just so easy with him that his smile never left his face. After buying two cups of tea, they went a bit outside of the city, looking for a less crowded place. This was still Ohio and there were still people that would not approve of their relationship. No, they were not running away, just not looking for any kind of conflict. Luckily, it was the second day of Christmas so there weren't many people walking around and they found a nice place between some trees and bushes. There was a bench for Blaine to sit on, but he didn't sit right as they stopped. Instead, his boyfriend was in front of him, smiling and squatting down to be on eye-level with Kurt.

"Hey you," said Blaine and his hand wrapped gently around Kurt's.

"Hey yourself."

Then Blaine smiled, eyes wide and shining though it was getting darker and darker.

"Can I get a kiss? I really missed kissing you."

With a smile so wide that his eyes became small, Kurt took Blaine's face into his hands and pulled him closer, wanting to show him that he missed this, too and that he was okay with kissing Blaine. The carefulness and gentleness from Blaine whenever he came close told Kurt a lot. This boy would never just kiss him without Kurt's permission because he could only do so much to protect himself with only his arms and hands. This boy would never get too close without his permission. Blaine wouldn't do anything without Kurt's permission. Kurt would normally be alarmed if someone tried that, but he wasn't. He trusted Blaine without a doubt. He had missed kissing Blaine's warm lips. He even hummed when his boyfriend sucked on his upper lip, but eventually pulled back, smiling like the sun.

"I have some cake, cheesecake actually. My mom baked it today."

"I love cheesecake," breathed Kurt, cheeks red, warming his face.

"I know," he whispered and kissed Kurt again before pulling back entirely and opening his bag. He pulled out a plastic box, two forks and also a blanket. Kurt took the two boxes from him, watched his boyfriend wipe the surface free from snow, and placed the blanket on it. While he watched him doing that he felt the need to stand up and help him. Stand up and sit with him on this bench and eat the cake together. Shoulder against shoulder, sharing the heat of their body while it was cold and everything was covered in snow. Kurt just wanted what any other couple could do.

"Can I... sit next to you?"

Blaine turned back to Kurt with raised eyebrows and needed a second to understand. Then his smile returned followed by a nod and he took the plastic box from Kurt who lifted his arms and let Blaine help him out of his wheelchair. Only then, when his arms were tightly around Blaine's neck, feeling his chest against his own, did Kurt realize that this was their first real hug. One when he almost stood on his feet, but not really. Still, Blaine squeezed him tight and made him giggle. Well, Blaine had a talent for making him giggle and smile – probably just as happy that they could hug like this for a moment. Carefully Blaine let him down on the bench, handing Kurt the blanket for his legs.

"Good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Kurt and reached out for the box, opening it to find two slices of cheesecake and two forks. Blaine sat down next to him, holding their cups and giving Kurt his as soon as the box was safely on his lap and they both began to eat.

"This is really good," he hummed after he swallowed the first bite: "Your mother likes to bake stuff?"

"No," Blaine laughed: "She likes to bake cheesecake because that's the only thing she actually can bake. It's always a drama on my birthday. She tries but fails and ends up buying a cake. But she is an incredible cook when it's not about baking something."

"I like baking stuff. I'm pretty good at it."

"Really?"

"Yup. Well, no one has ever complained and they all seem to love what I bake."

"They?" asked Blaine, ate the last piece of his cheesecake and turned his body so his right side was leaning against the bench and his arm hung between their bodies.

"My family and friends," answered Kurt and ate his last bite before giving Blaine the empty plastic box back and he grabbed it and put it back into his bag. Taking a sip from his tea to warm himself up, he looked at Blaine who began to speak.

"I've never seen your friends at the hospital. I mean," his fingers were running patterns over Kurt's shoulder, making him feel warm and fuzzy inside: "I could be wrong."

"They're no longer here. They've all graduated and left Lima to follow their dreams. I... avoided them because it hurt too much," he risked looking at Blaine because what he just admitted was one of his darkest thoughts. He was not only hurt but also jealous.

"Of course it does. But you will get there eventually. You just need time," said his boyfriend and reached out for Kurt's hand, and held it gently.

"Yeah, I just don't know how much. And I don't want to start studying when I'm old and gray."

"Who says that?" smiled Blaine: "You can always go to New York and do what you love. You just do it in a different way."

Kurt smiled, eyes focused on the cup in his right hand. That side of Blaine, the optimistic side, was a side he liked. Never did his voice sound like he didn't believe his own words. Quite the contrary, it always sounded like he believed in his words. In himself and in Kurt.

"Maybe," he said because it seemed so far away. He promised himself to work hard, to do his best just like Claire did. It seemed too soon to start dreaming because his therapy was not working yet.

"We can go together," said Blaine and Kurt looked back at him, surprised.

"Together to New York?"

"Yeah. I mean I want to go to New York, too and study there, so why not together? I mean, I know we just got together but... I have a feeling that we'll be together for a long time."

Whenever this young man spoke and talked about dreams and chasing them, living them, Kurt thought this boy was a dream himself. Positive, supportive and not even thinking about the issues that his wheelchair, his handicap could bring. However, he knew they both had no idea what kind of an issue this could turn out to be. And who knew if they would be together til that moment?

Kurt certainly hoped so because, just like Blaine, he also had this strange feeling that this was more. Or maybe it was just his mind, drunk with how much he felt for this boy.

"You don't have to stay here. You can always go somewhere else and do your physical therapy there. And I'll be with you so your dad doesn't have to be worried."

Kurt just smiled at him and leaned closer, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder and smiled more when he felt Blaine's lips on his temple, right under his beanie, and his arm around his shoulder. This was nice, how Blaine accepted his silence and let him stay close. How they both wanted this and could do this without anyone giving them strange looks. Honestly, Kurt just wanted to enjoy this moment, this evening, and worry about his future when he got back to the hospital.

"Sorry if I... crossed a line."

"You didn't."

He really did not. If Blaine did anything, he gave Kurt hope and a new view on his future. But he was no fool to believe in all of this 100%. But, he was also no fool and knew his silence worried Blaine. So he pulled back, slowly and smiled when their eyes met before he pressed a gentle kiss onto Blaine's lips.


	7. Chapter 7

Hello guys! Sorry it took a bit longer but I was re-planning everything and then fell into a small writers block. Hope it's gone for good now.

* * *

Part 7

January

"Kurt, if it's too much stop," said Jimmy as Kurt held himself up on the bars, shaking his head while his whole body was sweating and trembling. He'd been standing like this for 15 minutes now, more than he ever did before and refused Jimmy's help. Instead, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and focused on his legs, focused to the time when he still could feel his body. He tried to move his legs, tried to feel them but there was just nothing. No pain, no sting, nothing. Eventually his arms gave out and Jimmy jumped in, holding him and laying him down on the mattress while Kurt breathed in and out. He nodded slowly, signaling that he was okay and Jimmy got the wheelchair, and helped Kurt back into it.

"Is everything alright?" asked Jimmy as he watched Kurt.

"Yeah."

"Good to see that you are so motivated but don't overwork yourself. Step by step is the key."

Step by step was not fast enough for Kurt. He wanted a change now and the answer that, yes, there was a chance he could walk again. That was his goal, his new dream because he had someone who wanted to go with him to New York. Someone who wanted to support and help him. Blaine made all these promises and Kurt always refused to believe in his words.

However, after almost a month of Blaine continually trying to convince him, he eventually began to believe. How could he not? He knew Blaine for 5 months now and they had been a couple for a little more than a month and through all that time Blaine had never given him a reason to not believe, or to not trust him. He had a feeling that it was the right thing to do. So, if it felt right, it _had_ to be right.

After a shower, he felt pretty tired and took a nap for an hour. Then he called for the nurse who helped him get dressed and he visited the kids and Blaine. They sang and drew together for two hours and left together. Kurt told Blaine about how he hated to go outside and basically never left his bed for the first few months. That's why his boyfriend always went out with him, pushed his wheelchair, and talked about everything and nothing. Without the kids, without Blaine, he knew that his time in the hospital would have been horrible and boring.

Around 6pm they went back into his room and that evening Kurt didn't call for the nurse. He let Blaine help him and received such a happy smile from his boyfriend, that his heart nearly melted. But, this was also a test to see if Blaine really understood what he was himself getting into. If he was serious about living together in New York and supporting Kurt, helping him because he couldn't do anything on his own, this would become their normal life. This was something that Kurt was already used to, but he wasn't so sure if Blaine could handle that. With his outerwear now off, he lifted his arms to wrap them around Blaine's neck as he held Kurt, lifted him, and then slung an arm under Kurt's knees to hold him, carry him to the bed with a proud smile. Kurt just blushed, pressed his face against Blaine's shoulder to hide it. Once he was on his bed he adjusted his legs himself, smiling to signal that he was okay.

"Do you need something? Something to drink or eat?"

"No, I have everything I need right here," answered Kurt, and pointed to the nightstand next to his bed. He leaned back, let out a long sigh, as he closed his eyes for a few seconds. This day had been pretty long and exhausting, but he refused to fall asleep. He wanted to spent the rest of the visiting hours – which ended around 7pm – awake.

"You seem exhausted, though. Are you alright?" asked his boyfriend, and Kurt felt him sit down on the edge of his bed, placing his hand gently over Kurt's.

"I'm just exhausted from my therapy. I tried a bit too hard I guess."

"Take your time," said Blaine and entwined their fingers.

"Yeah, that's what Jimmy said, too."

"Jimmy, huh? Your therapist?"

"Yes. He is really amazing."

Kurt saw the change in Blaine's face. How the curiosity changed to suspicion and then something else when he heard the next words: "And he is he cute?"

There was a spark of jealousy. Kurt knew what jealousy looked like because he had seen enough drama in his Glee club. Although this jealousy was because Kurt had to spent time with another man, with someone who was trying to help him to walk again, this was new. It was also refreshing. Blaine was jealous for really no reason, but he was jealous regardless. Kurt was glued to a wheelchair and not really boyfriend material, well certainly for Blaine he was and he only wanted to be with him – yet his boyfriend was still jealous. He treated him like... an equal.

That's why he laughed. A clear, right from his heart, laugh and took Blaine's hand into his, squeezing it while enjoying the confused look on his boyfriend's face.

"There is no need to be jealous."

"What? I'm not!" Blaine protested but this made Kurt laugh even more. His laughs became giggles when Blaine stood up to lean closer and kiss him. As he cupped Blaine's cheek he kept him close, and pressed kiss after kiss on those soft, full lips and smiled, blissfully, when the other boy kissed his cheek and forehead, and mumbled: "You are too beautiful, and of course I get jealous when someone gets to spend time with you who might be my competition."

"You have no competition, silly."

"Ha," Blaine smirked but his eyes were genuine: "Just wait until we get to New York. All the guys will look at you and want you to be their boyfriend."

"Luckily I want to be your boyfriend. Only yours."

He didn't say that he was sure no one would want him but Blaine. He didn't want to say that he saw his wheelchair as a reason to not love him. Because Blaine always tried to not make him feel that way. His boyfriend did everything so Kurt wouldn't feel like a burden, as if he had no handicap. He wanted them to be equal.

"And I'm only yours," whispered Blaine and kissed Kurt again.

* * *

The following weeks Kurt worked hard, really hard. Whenever he had his therapy, he went to his limits, but never so far that Jimmy had to catch him. He still refused to tell Blaine about it and he didn't ask, maybe he knew that this was something Kurt wanted to keep for himself. Or, maybe, he j was unsure if it was something that he was allowed to ask. Whatever it was Kurt hoped he would say something if it bothered him.

February meant Valentine's day and they both decided this day was the perfect time to tell their family they were together, but not about their plans to go to New York together, regardless if Kurt could walk or not. The first half of the day they spent alone together. Blaine came pretty early with breakfast he bought on his way over. After breakfast, they went out for a walk to clear and calm their minds before their parents came. They were nervous for the same reason, Kurt thought. That they thought they were more realistic than Kurt and Blaine. Because they were in love, optimistic about their future. Especially Blaine.

Around lunch time Burt and Julia, Blaine's mother, came looking a bit confused to see their boys in Kurt's room... holding hands. Burt was immediately worried that something had happened and Julia just smiled at her son who beamed right back at her.

"I knew it," said his father and looked at their hands. His worries were all gone.

"Of course you did," muttered Kurt under his breath and felt Blaine squeezing his hand.

"Well, this explains why you've been so happy in the recently," said Julia, and Kurt could see Blaine in her. The same hair, the same eyes and the same bright smile.

She came closer and Kurt's took her hand: "Hello Misses Anderson."

"Good to finally meet you, Kurt," and then she smacked the back of Blaine's head gently: "Keeping your boyfriend away from me, shame on you."

Blaine only smirked and went over to Kurt's father, shaking his hand and apologizing as well for keeping their relationship a secret.

"We just wanted to wait to see how it worked out."

"And you two are sure about this?" asked Burt, not even trying to avoid this topic. Kurt's well being was his priority, and he and Julia understood this situation probably better than Kurt and Blaine did. He was sure because they were so in love, they weren't really thinking about the hard times yet.

"I am, Mister Hummel. I really am."

Julia looked just as doubtful as Burt did, but they both didn't want to burst that bubble yet. So she began to ask Kurt questions and soon they were involved in a conversation about school, work and about when their relationship began. Julia was swooning, but Burt was still unsure. However, they said nothing, not that day, just enjoyed seeing their sons so happy.

When their parents left, they both let out a breath and Kurt fell back on his bed, and rubbed his face.

"Your Dad looked like he wanted to take you home."

"He's very overprotective and I can't blame him. I'm here and he's at home, not having an eye on me."

Blaine hummed his agreement and closed the door, walked back to Kurt and sat down on the edge of the bed, and held Kurt's hand.

"He thinks I'll leave you, huh?"

"He thinks you'll ravish me and I won't be able to do anything about it."

Blaine snorted and Kurt was happy that he could lighten the mood. The tension that was always there bothered him a lot and he really didn't need that right now, not when he had Blaine for himself again.

"But I won't. I won't leave you nor will I do anything you're not okay with. We might be young and they might be thinking we're naïve, maybe even stupid, but I mean every word I say."

New York, thought Kurt. With Blaine by his side, the dream of going to New York didn't seem so far away. Artie was there too, studying something and if he could do it, so could Kurt, right? Right. It was the first time that Kurt really began to believe in all of this. In them, in Blaine's words, and that he could still live some of his dreams despite the wheelchair creating several obstacles.

Kurt smiled, a different smile, and his boyfriend noticed it because Kurt saw how he stopped breathing, and just stared at Kurt. Their hands still held onto each other, thumbs running gentle circles over the skin of the other, and he was happy that he could feel this and do this. He could touch Blaine with his hands, and feel his warm skin under his fingertips. Feel his lips on his when he kissed him, and his heart beat faster, filling his body with so much love for this boy, he had no idea he could feel that way. But, he did and he wanted him to know this. He wanted to jump into the cold water and tell him this, let him know how serious he was about them. His mouth was already open, eyes fixed on Blaine's face but he couldn't say it.

"I love you," Blaine said it first, and Kurt almost sobbed a laugh. Overwhelmed, he was simply overwhelmed with all the things he felt and didn't try to hide his tears. Happy tears. Someone loved him even with the circumstances he was living in. Someone loved him despite everything, and he felt silly for thinking that no one ever would. He tugged at Blaine's hand and his boyfriend raised up, leaned in closer and pressed a kiss to Kurt's cheek as their arms wrapped around the other, holding on tight.

"I love you, too."

That evening he let Blaine lie with him on his bed, let Blaine hold him and rested his head on his chest, right above his heart to listen to his heartbeat. Who knew that this sound could calm him down? Who knew that his body ached for cuddles? Kurt never knew he did.

* * *

April

"You really want to do that?" asked Jimmy, sitting on the floor and sipping water. Kurt nodded, sitting in his wheelchair and fumbling with the bottle of water in his hands. It was decided, it was all planned. He even got an answer from New York that he was accepted to study fashion and costume design at college. He was focused more on fashion then costume, but it wouldn't hurt to know both.

"It's not like I'm going alone. My boyfriend will go, too."

"Right, the famous Blaine," Jimmy smirked at him and was genuinely happy. Kurt just blushed. Yes, his Blaine who had been so amazing and supportive and only made Kurt feel the most amazing things. Although, and Kurt couldn't really blame himself for thinking this – after all he _was_ a horny teenager and had a hot boyfriend, he was getting tired of Blaine being too careful. When they cuddled and kissed, he made attempts to go further, but then Blaine stopped. Kurt could feel his cock still functioning, just like everything else in that area, thank you very much, but he was also a bit too embarrassed to ask for more. After all, he was not just horny, but also still a virgin. So he had no real idea what to do. However, this was not a topic he would discuss with anyone but Blaine.

"But I don't want to stop my therapy."

"Of course not. I have a friend in New York. I can call her and ask her if she has time for you. We studied together and she is pretty good."

"That would be awesome," smiled Kurt and after that they went back to practice.

During the day he also met his father and told him about his plans, their plans. As expected, his father was not so sure about that but, fortunately, not against it. He asked Kurt about his therapy, about if he was sure that he wanted to go there with his wheelchair, and if they even thought about that he would need a place to live that was wheelchair friendly. Ever since both got accepted into the colleges they wanted, Kurt explained that they were focusing on that, and that Jimmy would be helping him to find a new therapist. Somehow his father agreed, but Kurt was sure he only did so because of his ability to plead. He was an actor after all.

It was a week later when they were playing with the kids and eventually went back to Kurt's room, talking about the apartments Blaine had found. They were sitting on Kurt's bed, side by side, and with a laptop in the middle. To Kurt's disappointment, none of those apartments were wheelchair friendly, some even without an elevator.

"Seems like we can't get any luck," he sighed, and Blaine closed the laptop, looking more conflicted than disappointed. Kurt didn't like that expression and felt the panic rise. What if Blaine had changed his mind after realizing that getting into college was easy, but finding an apartment was not. They could live in the dorms, but that was not an option for Kurt. Being alone in the big city and without someone he knew, living together? Nope, not gonna happen. He, and it almost scared him to admit that, _needed_ Blaine.

"You... don't want to anymore?" so he asked, facing the truth now.

"What?" asked Blaine clearly snapping out of his thoughts.

"You look like you... you're not so sure about it anymore."

Blaine smiled, slung his arm around Kurt's shoulder and kissed his temple: "Of course I want to. I won't go to New York without you."

He relaxed in Blaine's arms, but still gave him a questioning look.

"It's just that... my father has an apartment in New York and before I came out, he told me how it would be mine when I graduate and go to college."

"Your dad is kinda rich or?"

"He is, though. Well, we are. We are still family at some point. But, they're actually fighting over this stuff. What belongs to my dad and what belongs to my mother."

If Blaine's father would have been as accepting as Burt, Kurt knew their problem would have been solved before it even existed. But, it wasn't the case and he tried to cheer Blaine up with gentle gestures. It worked.

"I'll talk to her. It's not like he goes to New York anyway, and it would only be fair that we get this apartment since my brother lived there, too."

With a small nod he snuggled closer, one hand resting on the back of Blaine's head and playing with the curls that already broke the gel. It was still April, still some time left before they had to move to New York, so maybe they they'd still get lucky.. Right now he just wanted to enjoy the proximity.

He closed his eyes and felt Blaine shifting, heard the sound of something being put down and when he opened his eyes, the laptop was on the small table, next to his bed. His eyes drifted up and he met Blaine's, golden and warm staring back at him, above him, and he smiled as his boyfriend bent down, and pressed their lips together. Humming with approval, he kept Blaine close, opened his mouth to let his tongue inside and made out with him for several minutes. Whenever they kissed, he focused on that, the noises, the wet sounds and everything that was just Blaine, Blaine, Blaine. Then, when he almost felt drunk from all the kisses he wanted to move, to pull Blaine on top of him, make room for him, but his legs wouldn't move. It was like they weren't even there and he had no idea how else to signal to Blaine that he wanted more. He didn't want to stop yet. Because his cock was already getting hard and it would have been weird if not.

His boyfriend kissed him, deep and in the best way possible. But Kurt needed to stop, needed a second to collect his courage, and then he took Blaine's hand and guided it down to let him feel what his boyfriend was doing to him. He heard the hitch in Blaine's breathing, felt how he froze and Kurt was about to mumble a sorry, but then Blaine put more pressure on his hard on.

"_Kurt_..." he almost purred his name, as he licked his lips and then whispered: "You... are you sure?"

As he opened his eyes he let Blaine not only hear it, but also see how sure he was.

"I've... never done this before. I mean, never with someone."

The smile on his lips felt a bit out of place, but he couldn't help himself. He was not the only virgin here, and he really liked that. He liked the fact that there were so many firsts they would explore together.

"Me neither."

Blaine beamed, he kissed him sweetly, and then his hand was gone only to be placed under Kurt's legs. He held his upper body up, creating some space for Blaine on the bed, and smiled when they were actually lying side by side.

"Just a handjob, okay? We can... try more when we have our own place."

Kurt blushed more and more and didn't trust his own voice so he only nodded and used the last bit of courage he had left to move his own hand down, down to feel if his boyfriend felt the same way. His eyes still were focused on Blaine's as he waited for something to tell him to stop. Instead Blaine pulled him back to kissing, and his hand back to where it was before. That was all they did and everything Kurt could focus on. Kissing and rubbing each other to full hardness. But, God, the noises Blaine made, the noises he made himself. It was so much, almost too much, and he actually moaned when he felt Blaine's warm hand slip under his pajamas, under his underwear, taking him into hand.

He did the same, opened Blaine's pants, zipper down and suddenly he was desperate, they were desperate to come. Who knew that holding someone's dick, hot and thick, would drive him so crazy and needy. But it did and it only took a few strokes and they both were coming. He couldn't feel his legs, he couldn't move, but he could feel this, make Blaine feel and moan that way, and somehow his situation seemed so much less frustrating then it used to. But, he was sure he only thought that way because he felt literally stupid after his orgasm.

When they both came down from their high, Blaine left the bed to get something to clean them up, especially clean Kurt up. His giggle made Kurt raise both eyebrows.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just... I imagine the nurse changing the sheets, which she'll have to do."

A groan fell from his lips and he hid his face with his hands, face bright red right to the top of his ears. Blaine laughed again, an adorable little laugh and he kissed Kurt's head.

* * *

June

The day began pretty amazingly with Blaine telling Kurt that the apartment in New York was theirs and everything would be built wheelchair friendly for him. Julia, who was not just an amazing cook and mother, apparently also had some great skills when it came to getting what she wanted. Especially when it was against her homophobic ex-husband. She spent weeks with her lawyer and explained why she needed the apartment, and why her ex-husband did not. Kurt didn't know the details, but it was theirs and he felt giddy. New York was there, within reach, and nothing and no one could take this away from them. Blaine texted him that he would come over later and that they both needed to explain all of this to the kids.

This would be pretty hard for the both of them, but something that needed to be done. But, this day held a lot more for Kurt. It was when he attended his therapy, and Kurt was staring and staring and holding himself up on the bars. Jimmy was also staring and silence filled the room.

"Can you... do that again?" asked Jimmy and stared down at Kurt's legs, watching how he just slightly, just a little bit, began to move them. Jimmy yelped in surprise, smirked at him, but Kurt just thought it was weird. Really weird. He wasn't exactly feeling anything, only a bit but not... not what he was once used to. It was more like a small feeling surrounded by thick nothingness. But his leg was moving, not fast, painfully slow and then it stopped.

"But-" he spoke, voice already filling with panic.

"Don't worry," said Jimmy before Kurt could even start to freak out. He walked over to Kurt, held him up and brought him back to his chair because he noticed how his arms were slowly giving in.

"Jimmy, I-" he was still staring at his leg that became numb again, like there was nothing.

"Don't worry. This is normal."

"I felt something and now it's gone," he said, like a child, like someone who experienced something entirely new and amazing for the first time ever.

"Yeah, you did. And you know what that means?"

Kurt shook his head, forcing himself to look up and finally seeing the happy smile on Jimmy's face.

"You'll walk again. You just need more time."


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

It was August, it was still hot, and New York was big and crowded, just like he imagined it to be. Buildings, people, noise, everywhere. But, he never imagined he'd experience the city that never sleeps in a wheelchair. He refused to let this kill his happiness, as his body buzzed with excitement and he smiled so hard with everything he saw.

Especially because he was not alone, Blaine was right behind him, enjoying everything just as much as Kurt did. It wasn't what Kurt once dreamed of. He couldn't hold Blaine's hand and walk with him, rest his head on his boyfriend's shoulder and close his eyes as they walked. They both couldn't do those things and sometimes he felt sad about that. But, Blaine always cheered him up and never ever complained or made him feel like something was missing.

They sang together while walking through the city, walking the paths they both needed to use to get to school. They did that to make sure they were wheelchair friendly. It was different and difficult, but after some time practicing, Kurt felt like he could do it if necessary; for instance if Blaine couldn't drive him to school or therapy. The gift they both got was a car from their parents. One especially made for Kurt so he could easily get into it with Blaine's help, and enough room for his wheelchair. They all, especially Blaine, did so much so he could be comfortable and feel safe in this big city and this new life. Kurt had never felt more loved than at that moment.

Also, the apartment had been changed for him to be wheelchair friendly. He could easily unlock the door and roll around, everything was within his reach, bars where he could hold himself up if necessary. Of course this was not what he imagined his life to be, but it was what it was, and he accepted it, for now.

The fact that he could feel something again, move his legs just a little bit, he never shared that. His father and Blaine, and everyone else would just get hopeful and support him even more. The result would have been more and more pressure put upon him, and he didn't need that right now.

Still it was a huge change for them both. Every morning Blaine got up with Kurt around 6:30 a.m. and helped him to shower. At first it was just embarrassing to be naked around Blaine. They never did more than kiss, or give each other handjobs. Kurt never asked for more, and Blaine didn't either. Having sex was still something that scared him a little because he was not able to take control of anything. He couldn't be the one being above Blaine, he couldn't be the one thrusting into him. Sex would end up with Blaine being the active partner, and though Kurt trusted him, his body was still a stranger to him when it came to sex.

But his amazing, beautiful, and attentive boyfriend never complained. Whenever he helped Kurt to shower, he did it with so much love, with this lovely smile on his lips and he always put Kurt first. Even when Kurt was done showering and rolled to the kitchen to make some breakfast, Blaine made sure he was no longer needed. Being alone in the kitchen was no longer as hard as it used to be. With all the bars installed, he could hold himself up and access the wheelchair friendly fridge and furniture.

The first month in New York was like the perfect dream.

Then college began and Kurt was really nervous. Being so small and rather slow compared to others, he often felt like this city would swallow him up and didn't have a spot just for him. Some people were rude when he stood in the way, but many were not. Between the rude people and the ones who gave him pity, he noticed that many of them were simply being helpful. It took him almost another month to get comfortable with college and with the building.

Then there was his physical therapy. It was frustrating that his legs sometimes moved and sometimes they didn't,, sometimes he felt something and sometimes he did not. Emily, his new therapist and Jimmy's friend, was truly a sweetheart. She was a lot like Jimmy, but way more funny than he was. Whenever she worked with his legs, bending them, massaging the muscles, she told all these funny stories about her life. It made everything a little bit less frustrating.

Living with Blaine was pretty intimate, but not in a sexual way. He got to know all the good and also the bad parts of his boyfriend. His habits and his rituals. While Kurt loved to eat first thing in the morning, Blaine preferred to drink some coffee and then eat. Sometimes Kurt would wait for Blaine. Also, Blaine never rolled his socks to the right side but to the left, and Kurt reminded him to roll them back so they could be washed properly.

Just like Blaine, Kurt also had his own bad habits, and he never got mad at Blaine for pointing them out. It made him feel just like a normal human being, and not someone who was stuck in a wheelchair and couldn't do everything a walking person could do. One time Blaine even groaned because Kurt, once again, forgot to put his stuff back after using it, which Blaine always did. That made him just roll his eyes and clean up, smiling the entire time.

Then there were the evenings and weekends they had all to themselves. Their couch was big, cozy, with enough space for the both of them. Sometimes when they were too exhausted, they would just sleep there. But, the best time was when they cuddled and watched something, or simply made out, which was amazing. Really amazing.

After the accident, his first worry was that he'd die a virgin because no one would want a boyfriend in a wheelchair. Now here he was, with this beautiful man next to him, and kissing him in just the right way. Kissing was easy, he was able to take some control when they kissed just like when they jerked each other off. But everything else was a bit scary. He wasn't afraid, and he wasn't not ready due to lack of trust, but he was concerned that he might fail and disappoint Blaine to the point where he would realize just how difficult it was to have Kurt as a boyfriend.

The first time Blaine gave Kurt a blowjob he almost passed out because it was so amazing, incredible, and he became addicted to it. When Kurt wanted to give Blaine one in return, he soon figured out his limitations due to his legs. He couldn't lie between Blaine's legs and suck him off because his legs didn't give him the needed balance. Holding himself up with just his arms was too much after a while. Kneeling wasn't that easy either, and it made him feel rather small and vulnerable.

There was the option for Blaine to just straddle him and basically fuck Kurt's mouth, but when they tried he couldn't give Blaine that. Kurt didn't like having someone above him in this way, or kneeling in front of someone. He loved Blaine, he really loved him, but he couldn't do that. For months he had felt small and vulnerable, and though Blaine was amazing, caring and loving towards him, this was something he couldn't shake off and it frustrated him. Worried him.

It was almost November when he sat on their bed, drawing something, but soon gave up because he couldn't focus on it.

It all began with Blaine bringing one of his classmates home. Lucas was his name, a funny and nice guy who also loved to party. Blaine never talked about it, but there were several parties he got invited to and always said no thanks. Kurt got invited, too by his classmates but he decided it was not really a place for him to be. Drinking and sitting in a wheelchair? Being around drunk people? This made him feel unsafe and thankfully no one pushed him to come, they probably understood or only asked because it was the right thing to do, not because they truly wanted him there. That's what he thought, however he didn't know if it was the truth.

When Lucas left and they got comfortable on the couch, watching some casting show, Kurt finally spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me? About the parties?"

Blaine was calm, relaxed under him while his head rested on Blaine's chest.

"I thought it wasn't important."

"But you wanted to go?"

"I don't know. I guess not."

"Because of me?"

Kurt wasn't hesitant when it came to stuff like this. He asked, and he needed to know if Blaine missed something, if Blaine was unhappy about something. If their situation, _his_ situation and their life was too much for him, he needed to know because although he loved Blaine, and he had no doubt that Blaine loved him, he still knew how much his boyfriend sacrificed for him. He knew how much he needed Blaine because there were things, some basic things he couldn't do. Like take a shower, or get on their bed on his own. He probably could, but it was a long and hard task, not to mention pretty exhausting and possibly dangerous.

"Kurt..."

"I'm just saying. I know that college is not just about getting a degree in something. It's also about being stupid, getting drunk and partying hard. Making experiences before we get real jobs and have no time for anything."

"You could come with me, though."

"Blaine," Kurt spoke slowly, leaning his head back so he could look into his eyes: "I doubt we'll have fun at all and I think being in a wheelchair and getting drunk could turn out to be dangerous."

"Then I won't drink and I'll take care of you instead."

This was exactly what Kurt didn't want or need. He wanted Blaine to have fun and enjoy all the stuff he just... couldn't. Or at least for him to admit it. Because he doubted that Blaine was actually fine with everything. Every evening and weekend stuck inside this apartment being there for him. Kurt was silent, not even aware of it, because he was chasing his thoughts. Then his boyfriend moved under him and Kurt looked back up.

"Are you unhappy? Because it feels like you're trying to push me away."

"It's not that."

God, no. It was not that. He was happy, more than that. But sometimes everything seemed just too good to be true, and since his legs hadn't been giving any signs of life for two weeks now, he just felt hopeless again. Not to forget that he couldn't give Blaine everything while he deserved everything.

The next day he was silent because he wasn't in the best mood. The frustration turned into anger and he thought it was better not to say anything before he snapped at Blaine, or caused a serious fight with him. Classes were okay, therapy was not. His hope that he would walk again was foolish from the start because he hadn't felt anything in weeks. That bothered and angered him to no end.

Emily tried to calm him down because she could feel how tense he was under her fingers. He tried to follow her lead, tried to be the good patient, but he just couldn't. His worries came back, full force, and didn't want to leave his mind for one second.

"Kurt, you need to relax."

Kurt tried when he held himself up on the bars. Tried to move, tried to feel anything. He was glaring at his legs and cursed at them because they fucking didn't do anything. No feeling, no movement, and it made him sick, angry and he just wanted to yell.

"Okay, stop," said Emily and all the tenderness and sweetness in her voice was gone. She came closer, helped Kurt back into his chair who huffed, making a grumpy face.

"What's wrong? You've been so not you in the past days."

"I just... I guess I'm having trouble with Blaine."

"You are?"

Actually, no. It was Kurt who saw the trouble and the trouble that would come sooner or later.

"Please, my legs aren't moving anymore. It was probably just me imagining stuff and who wants to be with me when I'm glued to this wheelchair?"

Emily smiled and it made him even more upset. Why was she smiling?

"Kurt, you need to relax and just let it happen. If you don't it won't work out."

But, he wanted it to work out. He wanted his legs to move again and just be a normal boyfriend. The one who could do all those things that anyone could do with Blaine. The one who was not the reason Blaine renounced everything. Every party, every opportunity to get out and have some fun.

"You should calm down because even your thoughts aren't like you. Your boyfriend is a sweet guy and he truly loves you."

Kurt was not really listening. He was focused on the issue of his legs. The issue was him.

Long forgotten were the words from his boyfriend about how he loved him and would never leave him. He worried about exactly that, he worried that Blaine would stop loving him, and leave him soon. How was Kurt supposed to please his boyfriend when he couldn't even give him a simple blowjob although he longed to? How could he make Blaine just as happy as he made Kurt? Those were the worries controlling his mind. Thoughts he just couldn't stop though he knew he was probably wrong. Blaine would never lie, he'd never pretend.

However, after their conversation, Blaine was acting different. Still lovely, still caring, but he was more careful, even a bit distant. Lucas came over to study with Blaine who then played his guitar for two hours while Kurt used the time to do his homework. He always loved the sound of Blaine playing and singing. Then Lucas left, but not without mentioning the Halloween party.

Kurt sat on the couch, drinking tea, but not really watching whatever was on TV. He heard Blaine say no thanks and he had other stuff to do. Then his boyfriend came back to him, eyeing Kurt rather unsure, but sat down beside him anyway.

"You've been... tense the whole day," mentioned Blaine eventually.

"Just a bad day," was Kurt's excuse. It was not even a lie.

"You've had a lot of bad days lately."

Silence.

"Kurt... I know you don't want to tell me everything and you don't have to tell me everything, but I can't read your mind and help you or... know what to do to make you feel better."

His first instinct was to stand up and walk around, it always helped him to order his thoughts, to calm down. But he couldn't no matter how hard he tried to move his legs. His damn legs which were fooling him for months now and Blaine who wanted to help him. Who always helped him. Who never did anything for himself, but was always there for Kurt. It bothered him to no end.

"You know what would make me feel better?"

"What?" asked Blaine without hesitation, and Kurt saw the hope in his boyfriend's eyes. The small sparkle and the relief that wanted to break free.

"You going to that Halloween party."

"Kurt, I-"

"I mean it. It's only for one evening, right? Go dance, have some fun."_ Because I can't dance, I can't drink and be silly with you. I'm stuck here._ "I'll be alright without you for one evening."

The truth was, it scared him a little bit. It scared him to be alone here, but letting Blaine go, even if just for a few hours, scared him even more. Despite the need to know if Blaine missed something, if he was happy with how things were, he was scared that this was the case. That Blaine would meet someone and leave him. That he would have so much fun once he realized just what a burden all of this was. Kurt didn't think that way when they came here, when they talked about going to New York. But, he did now and he blamed his frustrations for thinking that way. He just felt so... empty, so hopeless that he was convinced that pushing Blaine away was the best solution for him.

"Okay, I'll go."

And Blaine did go and Kurt ended up on their bed, feeling alone, feeling empty even more. Without Blaine this apartment was too big for him, too silent, too much. With his hands he shuffled off the bed, into his wheelchair – which was of course a difficult task, since he wasn't really used to this. He rolled out of the bedroom and into the kitchen and ate something, drank some water, and then rolled into the living room, climbed onto the couch to watch something.

It was still not as distracting as he wished it would have been. His mind constantly went back to the Halloween party – Blaine didn't even put a costume on – and thought about all the people. Students from his college, people from different cities, countries, telling stories and jokes. People who might like Blaine, guys who might fall for him, and standing on two feet. Guys who looked better than Kurt, weren't as moody as he was. Guys Blaine wouldn't consider a burden, but rather something he wanted.

Kurt shook his head, not wanting to think that way. He glanced at the clock. 11pm. Blaine had been gone for just three hours. Three long hours which were enough to change everything. God, what was wrong with him? He had wanted Blaine for so long and now he just pushed him away. No, he was not pushing him away. Kurt tried to show Blaine that he was free, still. That there was more than him. His legs wouldn't move anyway, right? Sex was impossible. Giving Blaine a blowjob made him feel vulnerable and he just couldn't.

With a groan, he climbed back into his wheelchair and rolled back into their bedroom. Sleep, he needed to sleep so the mess inside his mind was would finally shut up. He stopped at the bed and held himself up, reached out for the bar along the wall, but his arms were too exhausted, his hands hurt and though he fought, though he tried, he didn't make it. He fell down, his legs fell out of the wheelchair and it rolled away. It hurt as he hit the ground face first, and there was a burning feeling, was he bleeding? He cursed under his breath, wrapped his arms around himself and felt pathetic, even ashamed that he was too weak for that. Too weak to take care of himself.

He felt cold, he felt lost and he was even too weak to stop the tears from falling.

_Where was Blaine? Why was he here and not on the bed?_

Kurt sobbed, ignoring the images of a party where his boyfriend was having the time of his life and enjoying it, dancing and drinking with guys and forgetting him.

_Where was Blaine? Why did he tell him to leave him?_


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, so this was kind of hard to write and IDK if I succeeded, but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter still! Also, we are getting closer to the end. I guess 3 more chapters maybe 4 but I'm not sure about that yet :)

* * *

Part 9

Ever since the accident Kurt had always felt weak, vulnerable, but mainly angry and frustrated. This accident changed everything for him, the boy who loved to try clothes on, loved to walk and show them off, loved to dance and sing. Everything had changed and he thought he'd never get out of this hole he was living in. Then he met those amazing kids who had it worse than he had, but they still smiled, still played and didn't really mind whatever they had.

Then he met Blaine and everything became even better. He found friends, he found his smile, and he even found love. A deep love he never had dreamed of, but it was there. Wanting him, loving him, despite his situation, despite his life as it was.

However, he had never felt like he did when he fell to the ground, his body too weak to hold him up, legs not moving at all. His hand shook as he reached out for the blanket, wrapping it around his body because he felt cold, so cold, alone and lost. Vulnerable, which was the worst. Anyone could've come in. If this had happened on the street, anyone could have done anything to him. Sure, people may have helped him, hopefully no one would act like a dick and ignore him. However, this didn't change his feelings.

Kurt drifted off to sleep, woke up and fell back asleep, not sure how long he laid there, or how long he had slept. If he slept at all, because it didn't feel like a good slumber. His head hurt, his body was shivering and he, for the first time ever, wished he would die. Die and leave this life that was no life, die and set Blaine free. But, as soon as he realized his thoughts, what he actually wished for, he cursed himself for being stupid and pathetic.

Slowly his mind began to work again, letting him open his eyes and see that it was still dark, probably only a few minutes had passed since he fell. Hissing because his body hurt, he considered staying here on the ground or trying to stand up again. As he looked down his body he saw the wheelchair, and being too far away to reach it, looked up and saw the edge of the bed and beyond him where the bars were.

Then he heard a noise, the door being opened, and the voice that touched his heart and soul without even trying. It filled his body with warmth, with love and also with relief. The tears returned and then he heard the door to the bedroom being opened.

"Kurt?" Blaine called out and then he spoke it again, shocked, worried: "Kurt!?"

It was beyond him why he didn't respond, why he didn't call out for Blaine to find him. Why he didn't give Blaine the certainty that he was here and not somewhere else. Kurt just sobbed and stared at the floor.

"Kurt... oh my God," he heard Blaine before he saw him, then felt his hands on his arms, covered by his pajamas and the blanket. "Baby, what happened... shit, were you bleeding?"

Blaine's warm fingers touched his forehead, his hair and perhaps he had been bleeding, he just didn't know. All he knew was that Blaine was warm, here and not elsewhere doing something with whoever. Finally, he looked at his boyfriend, met the golden orbs and saw the purest concern, such anxiety, and wondered how he ever thought Blaine didn't love him. How could he believe that Blaine wouldn't worry about him or want was because no one ever looked at him like that, as if he was someone's world and seeing him broken, hurt even, was almost too much to handle.

"Blaine," he whispered, voice rough and hand reaching out. Just as always, Blaine understood him, without words, without much to show. He knew Kurt so well that a small gesture from him was taken as permission, as him needing him, and he gave him that. The strong arms helped him up from the ground, wrapped around his aching and cold body, and pressed Kurt against his warmth. His head felt so heavy, his whole body felt heavy, and all he could do was rest against his boyfriend, breathing him in and closing his eyes for a second. He was here, he was with him and taking care of him, loving him.

They sat like that for a while, Blaine warming him up, placing kisses on his cold forehead and then asked quietly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." Kurt whispered and opened his eyes, leaned back and figured that those golden eyes were still worried, but also much calmer. He was warm because Blaine held him in his arms, safe and sound.

"What happened?"

"I... fell. My arms gave out when I tried to climb on the bed."

"Mhm," Blaine hummed, his fingers touching a certain spot on Kurt's forehead: "You hit your head, huh?"

"I guess, I don't know. I just..." he wanted to say how weak and vulnerable he felt. How he thought all those terrible things about himself and his life. He didn't, but didn't need to. Blaine saw it, read it on his face and pressed a kiss to his cheek, and held him even tighter.

"It's alright. I'm here."

This made Kurt sob and nod, as he wrapped his arms around Blaine and whispered a sorry against his neck, followed by Blaine's lips on his and _oh_, how he needed to feel this. How he breathed it all in, fast, deep and kissed him back like Blaine's kiss was the only thing that made him feel anything at all. It was not a deep kiss, nothing special, really, just a press of the lips but so much more than he had ever felt before.

"I'll help you get on the bed, okay?" whispered Blaine and Kurt nodded, and wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck who slowly rose up, and carried Kurt to the soft surface and finally his muscles and arms slowly stopped aching.

"I'll be right back."

"Okay," one last kiss and Blaine was gone again, but it didn't leave this emptiness inside Kurt. Actually, the moment Blaine left, Kurt noticed that he didn't taste or smell like alcohol. His boyfriend didn't look tired or sweaty. Blaine looked like he had never left their home, and Kurt wondered if he even went to the party after all.

Blaine returned and climbed on to the bed, took care of the scratch on Kurt's forehead, and smiled all the while. A relieved, warm smile. When he was done, Blaine changed into his own pajamas, climbed back beside Kurt but didn't lie down. He sat next to him, took his hand and just looked at him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I... yes."

He wasn't tired, he wasn't angry anymore. Right now he needed to talk about it, to say everything out loud. Otherwise he was sure he wouldn't sleep, wouldn't talk about it at all, and Blaine didn't deserve that. Yeah, Blaine didn't deserve how Kurt pushed him away, wanted him to do things he maybe didn't need to. Blaine deserved the truth, the whole picture and not just snippets of it. Because, contrary to Blaine who gave him everything, his life, his heart, his ear, Kurt gave him that as well, but with a huge wall in between.

So, when Blaine sat next to him, an arm around Kurt's shoulder as they both leaned against the headboard, he reached out, and squeezed Blaine's thigh.

"You feel that, right?"

"Yeah?"

Kurt took Blaine's hand and placed it on his thigh, squeezing Blaine fingers to show him that he should do the same. He did, eyes wide and curious when he looked back at Kurt.

"I feel nothing. You could pour hot water on them and I'd feel nothing."

Blaine was quiet, waiting and listening.

"When you told me about New York and that you wanted us to be here together, I was unsure but also happy. Happy that, perhaps, not all of my chances and dreams were gone. Eventually I believed you. Now, here we are, I'm still happy that we are here and living together."

"But?"

Kurt sighed, as he took Blaine's hand back and held it, rested them on his belly where he could feel. He needed to feel him, his body ached for it.

"I thought this would change, too. That I would walk again as soon as I got here because this is the place where I always wanted to be. This is the place where I'm happy. But nothing has changed, and they just won't move."

He thought about telling Blaine that they once did, but he was not ready to see the hope in his boyfriend's eyes just to disappoint him when it didn't work out. He was still scared to lose him because of his legs and so the tears came back. They fell fast and hot, and Blaine saw them.

"Kurt..."

There was so much pain in Blaine's voice, maybe equal to the pain he felt.

"You know, for me, it doesn't matter, right? That I would want to be with you no matter what, right?"

Kurt breathed in and out slowly before before he spoke.

"I... don't know. I wish I did but I don't. All I see and hear are those people in college, having the time of their life without their parents. Parties, getting to know more and more people and I... I can't do that and I don't want to. Not like this. Also... whenever we get close you... you give me so much, you ask me what makes me comfortable and what not, and I do appreciate that."

He stopped for a bit, felt his cheeks getting hotter, but when he thought about how sad it was for him, they did not turn red. His eyes moved down.

"But, I can't give you anything back. All I can do is kiss you, and give you a handjob when my hands aren't too sore from using the chair. I hate kneeling, I hate imagining someone is above me. I can't move, Blaine. If I fall, like I did, there is nothing I can do and it makes me feel vulnerable, small and weak. It just frustrates me to no end that literally nothing has changed and so I ended up thinking that... maybe... you."

He breathed, again, and then spoke.

"That maybe you're missing something or want to just... be like any other freshman."

Kurt realized something after he said this and he saw how Blaine understood it, too. Now they both realized what the issue truly was. Not because they didn't love each other enough. Not because his legs didn't move and he needed someone to take care of him. It was the trust and belief that was not strong enough. Especially from Kurt.

"Kurt, I do not. Why didn't you ask me though?"

"I was... scared to realize that I might be right, I guess."

"But this is not what I want," said Blaine, calmly, pressing a light kiss to Kurt's temple: "I'm happy to be here, with you. I don't need the parties or company. We don't need to do anything sexual at all. I knew what I was getting myself into and I don't regret it or feel unhappy."

Kurt looked down, and thought about what he said.

"Is it so hard to believe that? That all I need and want is to be here with you?"

"It is," admitted Kurt. It was hard to believe in that because he had never been in love, never had been loved by anyone in a romantic way.

"You know what's hard for me to believe in?"

Kurt looked up, meeting Blaine's eyes and the smile on his lips.

"That someone like you, so talented and beautiful would love me and trust me. We both know that you can't protect yourself like you used to and we both know that there are things you can't do on your own because the world is not made for people in a wheelchair. Yet, you trust me that I'll treat you right and keep you safe."

"Of course I do," he said, voice filled with disbelief how Blaine could ever question this. "I... want to believe you. I really do. But I've learned to protect myself so that I won't get hurt."

They both were silent, Blaine pulled back but held Kurt's hand in both of his. He let his fingers run over Kurt's skin, warm and soft and Kurt wondered what he was thinking, if he had crossed a line and Blaine would go now. Then his boyfriend spoke.

"I understand that. But this doesn't change the fact that I'm being honest. I'm here because I want to and being here with you makes me the happiest. This is the time of my life, you know? I love you, Kurt. I simply love you for who you are and I love you more and more with every passing day."

Kurt smiled, his soft, relaxed smile filled with his own love for Blaine.

"I love you, too," he needed to say it before Blaine said more, so he got the warm smile from his boyfriend in return, followed by these words.

"I mean it, I really don't want anything else but this."

All Kurt could do at that moment was nod, and then he sighed, felt that his body needed some sleep. The cold, hard ground was not really good for him, nor something he wanted to ever experience again.

"Can we sleep? I'm kind of exhausted."

"Of course we can."

* * *

With Blaine under him and his arms around Kurt's body it was easy to fall asleep. This told him that he was not alone in this apartment, in this city that never sleeps. He needed to feel this body close to him so he felt the love and felt the warmth of his boyfriend. It helped him to realize that this was real, they were real and truly together, that all of this was not just a dream.

But, his sleep was restless, worries occupying his mind because he pushed Blaine away instead of believing him. He believed him before they came to New York, he believed his every word. Before New York, he was not as frustrated as he was now. Before New York his legs were quiet and then they mocked him, sent him signals and never came back as often as he wished they would. It was wrong to take out his frustrations on Blaine, about something Kurt didn't even believe in. Didn't want to believe in.

He was sleeping restlessly, so Kurt woke up when Blaine moved. Something that had never woken him up before, but that night it did. He heard a sob, and the sleep was forgotten in a second.

"Blaine?" he whispered, and turned to his left side to turn the lights on.

"Sorry," was what he heard, Blaine's voice rough, higher than usual, and when he saw his face he noticed how hurt he looked at that moment.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, and reached out to touch his cheek. He felt cold, stiff under his fingers and scared Kurt. Was he sick? Maybe he had a nightmare?

"When... when I saw you lying there I was so scared that..."

His boyfriend breathed in, lips trembling and voice becoming rougher and rougher as he continued to speak.

"I... I know you don't like this. But... when I saw you lying there, not moving at all, I was scared that something had happened. That something terrible happened and you wouldn't wake up."

He felt Blaine's hands shaking, noticed how his lips were pressed together and his eyes shined with tears. But they never fell. His boyfriend did everything he could to hold them back while he laid there, vulnerable and sharing his deepest fears with Kurt.

"Then you woke up... and I felt so bad... I blamed myself for leaving, that I left you alone, though I knew how dangerous it could be. I know you are strong, I know that but," and then the tears fell, one after another, and Kurt felt his heart ache.

"I want to keep you safe, Kurt. Whenever we are not together I just... get worried because you can't run away if something happens."

"Hey, it's okay," he whispered when he noticed the fear in Blaine's eyes. Pity was never something Kurt wanted. It was rather something that pushed him away from people and Blaine knew that. He was hurt because Kurt got hurt, and it scared as he admitted this to Kurt. He knew that Kurt was physically not as strong as others. He knew that Kurt needed help. Kurt saw how sorry Blaine was as he confessed it all to him.

"This is not pity, Kurt. I'm just worried because I care and love you."

"I know, Blaine, I know," he said, and felt sorry himself that Blaine was too scared to admit that. Scared that this would push Kurt away from the person he loved. Just like he pushed Blaine away, he was equally scared to lose him. It was silly, so silly and wrong to question Blaine's words. So Kurt leaned over, pressed a kiss to Blaine's cheek and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, whispered a sorry, felt how Blaine hugged him back and held him close.

They just held each other for a while and Blaine sighed when he understood that Kurt was not angry about that. He couldn't be because he knew his situation better than anyone. He needed help, he needed someone to take care of him , it was a necessity. Not something he liked, but something he accepted and because it was Blaine taking care of him and loving him, he never wanted to make him feel that way ever again.

Kurt pulled back, wiped his boyfriend's eyes dry as he did.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you away. I was just so frustrated with everything and I let it out on you."

"I understand that, I really do. I... see what it does to you. I see how you stare at your legs, like you try to force them to move. I see how you look away when a couple walks hand in hand through the city because we can't be not like them."

Kurt smiled, a little smile because his boyfriend was too sweet, too attentive, and cared about him so much. How come he never noticed that?

"And when I see it... I just want to make it better, make it perfect for you, me and us. I want to make you smile and make you feel like a human being, like an equal. But I... can't give you what you want the most."

"And you don't have to, Blaine. You can't do anything against this."

"No. I know," breathed his boyfriend, clearly more relaxed: "I just... please understand that this is not pity I feel."

"I know," smiled Kurt and kissed Blaine, sweet, and lovely and felt his boyfriend melt into it, relaxing entirely. Though it hurt to see Blaine crying and so close to panic, Kurt still felt happy, still felt the flooding warmth since he met Blaine. There was a big difference between pity and caring he had never seen and never understood before. Pity was seeing a situation, a person but not really wanting to help. Pity was what people expected to see because it was wrong to ignore a sad situation or a person who was suffering.

Blaine did not do that. He always tried to feel what Kurt felt. Tried to make it better for them and share everything. The pain, the happiness and he did, with everything he was. Kurt had only ever dreamed about finding something like this, even thought it was impossible. But, here he was, loving a person unconditionally, and being loved in the same way. Deep, so much that it almost hurt and when he realized that, he wanted to laugh at himself about how silly he had been acting.

His boyfriend never gave him a reason to doubt or question. Not then, not now. Instead he gave Kurt everything he could. Now it was his turn to give Blaine everything he could, and stop being so frustrated, and just trust him.

"Sorry," said Kurt.

"Don't apologize. I understand."

"And I understand too, Blaine. I do understand."

He smiled at him, watched his eyes and saw how he also began to believe. Kurt had never considered that it was also hard for Blaine to believe. Equals, he thought, they were equals from the start.

"I love you, too, Blaine."

Sometimes that was all he needed to say. This time it was also the only thing he needed to say to say everything. How lucky he felt, how loved he felt, and that he never wanted to let this boy go.

"You came back early though." said Kurt after a while of silence and holding each other.

"Yeah, it was kind of boring and I didn't even drink anything."

"Why though?"

"I'm not... really a responsible person when I get drunk. I become a cuddle whore or sing all night long. Not going to get drunk and do something stupid."

Kurt laughed, imagining him singing on the streets and dancing in the most adorable way he sometimes did. Imagining how Blaine would wrap himself around Kurt's body and act like a little kid. However, hearing that Blaine refused to drink was another sign for him about how much he cared. How much he loved Kurt. Drunk people could be fun, but they were also unpredictable. Not that he imagined Blaine to turn into some mad man, but better safe than sorry.

"Thank you," whispered Kurt earnestly, and he held the warm body close as Blaine literally melted against his body.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the late update. I had a writers block and I also took a week off because everything on the internet became too much. But I'm back!

* * *

Part 10

Kurt slept until 11pm. His body was sore and needed the sleep probably more than he realized. When he woke up he found Blaine sitting next to him, reading something, but he closed the book when he felt Kurt moving beside him.

"Morning, baby."

"Mornin'," mumbled Kurt and rubbed his eyes free from the sleep. Now that he could see he looked at Blaine, watched him lie down beside him, and felt his arms make their way around his body. He willingly snuggled closer, and let his boyfriend help him because he could only move his legs so much. They shared a lazy kiss, Kurt let his fingers run through Blaine's curls and kept him close even when the kiss broke.

"You already had coffee," murmured Kurt, tasting it on his lips.

"You looked like you needed some sleep and I had to finish some things."

Kurt hummed, nuzzled against Blaine's neck and remembered the night before. What had happened, what had been said and how Blaine came back earlier because he wanted to be here instead of at that party. Breathing in, he melted against his boyfriend, smiled when Blaine's hand ran over his back.

"Nothing hurts?"

"No. Just a bit sore, I guess."

Blaine pulled him closer, kissed his temple and Kurt listened, loved feeling the vibration of Blaine's voice against his skin.

"We need to make sure that you always have your phone next to you. Charged and reachable so, whatever happens, you can call me or someone else."

Kurt nodded knowing that what had happened was maybe a small accident. However, the outcome could have been worse, so much worse. What if Blaine hadn't come back earlier and he was lying there, seriously hurt? He didn't want that to happen a second time.

"I can't lose you, Kurt," Blaine said after a while his voice even, serious, but not warning or sad. It was stated as a fact, and Kurt understood. His heart felt the same way for Blaine. He needed him, wanted him and couldn't lose him. Not because of his situation, but because Blaine made him feel complete and loved. The love he felt was not one that would just grow smaller and smaller. It was a constant feeling, it grew bigger with each passing day, and sometimes it slowed, but never became less.

"I feel the same way," he said. No more pushing away, no more lame excuses. Kurt wanted to believe and trust Blaine without a second thought. They both deserved it and it was the right thing to do. When Blaine smiled, Kurt smiled too, feeling happy, the happiest he had ever felt.

"Do you want breakfast?"

Kurt chuckled, nodding: "I'm starving."

* * *

It was December when everything suddenly changed for him. The talk with Blaine was necessary and helped him to not be as frustrated as he used to be. First, because he believed Blaine, and second because it was easier and easier to live in New York, go to college and even get placed as an intern at Vogue – starting next year. Though exams were close, he still felt good, still relaxed – because he was a good student – and then there was his therapy.

In November he was able to feel his legs more often than before. In December he felt them entirely but couldn't move, which Emily said was normal.

"Does that mean I... I'm close?"

"Yeah," she smiled at him as they sat on the floor, Kurt touched his legs and actually felt something. Each press of fingers, each stroke and he felt his eyes began to burn. It didn't go away, he had felt his legs for a while now and Kurt waited for it to go away, but it did not. Not even after several days and he began to cry. Happy tears filled his eyes and fell down.

"You are doing so well, Kurt," whispered Emily and crawled over, hugged him and he let her. She was lovely, she was a great help and without her he was sure this would have never happened.

"Oh God... I can't believe it..."

She ran her hand up and down his back, wiped the tears away while her own eyes glistened.

"How... how long?" he asked, still touching his legs with one hand, and using the other to rub his eyes dry.

"It depends on you. It can be weeks, months, years. But this is a good start, amazing actually. It means your head is slowly breaking the block you have."

"Block?"

"You know, right? It's actually happening in your head?"

Kurt shook his head no. Actually, he never asked why his legs wouldn't move. The fact alone that he couldn't move them was terrible enough for him and he refused to hear anything after that. All the encouraging speeches about how he could walk again, how he needed to give himself some time, hurt him way too much back then. So he never asked, never really cared and was sure his life would be miserable from now on. It changed, yes, and apparently Jimmy and Emily thought he knew what was going on.

"I... never asked why my legs weren't moving. I was... too shocked and angry about the fact that I couldn't move them at all." he admitted.

"Oh, well. I read what happened and they didn't find anything in your spine. It's all in your head and this is not unusual. A shock can do a lot of damage."

"So... I just have to remember or what?"

Emily smiled: "Something like that. Instead of thinking they won't move ever again be positive. I also suggest you ask your boyfriend to help you stretch your legs from time to time."

Blaine, yes. This, the issue with his legs, the progress with his therapy, was still something he hadn't shared with Blaine. Not because he didn't want to. It was just his, and he wanted to succeed in this on his own, with Emily's help.

"I think it will make him happy, and you too."

"Yeah..." he breathed, smiling.

* * *

Once he was back home he made himself something to eat and climbed on the couch, humming because he could actually feel the couch under his legs, humming because he felt his fingers when he touched his thigh. Before his accident he never thought about how amazing it had been to feel his legs. He never appreciated it as much as he did at that moment. Feeling them was a step forward, a huge one for him and soon, hopefully, he could walk again. Also, the fact that it was all happening in his head was good, he could fix that. His head was his and so were his thoughts and after the talk with Blaine, he felt so much better.

"I'm home!" he heard Blaine calling and sat up and leaned against the backrest to see Blaine walk through the corridor.

"Hey babe," he smiled, wide and happy.

"Calling me babe, huh?" Blaine mumbled when he walked over and kissed Kurt: "Did something good happen?"

Kurt nodded, smiling adorably and eyes shining which Blaine copied because seeing Kurt happy made him happy, too.

"Come here," he said, and patted the spot next to him on the couch. His boyfriend took his shoes and jacket off, left them in the hallway and hurried over, giving Kurt a curious look. He gently took Blaine's hand and placed it on his thigh and smiled even bigger when he felt his warm hand. Felt the palm, his fingers, felt Blaine squeeze gently and a shiver went down his spine, down to his legs and he wanted to do kicky feet but couldn't, which was okay.

"I can feel something."

"You... what?" Blaine blurted out, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

"Mhm, I can't move them yet, but I can feel something."

Blaine stared and stared some more and then the corners of his mouth curled up, eyes shining and breathed out, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. Kurt was the one staring now, as he tried to read his face and rubbed Blaine's arm just in case he needed him to calm down.

"This... oh my God," whispered Blaine and looked back into Kurt's eyes. "I've wished for this to happen for so long and now... it's here. Happening."

Kurt smiled, feeling his own eyes beginning to burn when he noticed how his boyfriend held his tears back. He gently tugged at Blaine's collar and pulled him closer to kiss him, sweet, then wet, when the tears fell and they shared giggles. Blaine held his face gently, kissing him longer, deeper and then just held Kurt, close and safe.

"I'm so happy for you," Blaine whispered and Kurt closed his eyes, nodding as he melted against Blaine, letting him lie on top of him, not minding that, not now. He wanted to just hold his boyfriend and feel his legs tangled with his own, because it was such an incredible and warm feeling that he could easily get addicted to. He was addicted to everything Blaine gave him, and all of the kisses, words and looks were keeping him warm inside.

* * *

November was the month he felt his legs again. December was the month of final exams and though he felt a bit stressed, it didn't affect his mood. Not even in the slightest. During his therapy he was no longer just feeling something in his legs, no, he was finally able to move them. Not much, but a bit, and with each passing day he could move them more and more.

Emily was right about his head and that this was the reasoning behind his legs. The therapy and having Blaine help him at home was a good idea, a helpful one. But, it was also an arousing one. His fear of having someone above him faded away the more Blaine helped him to stretch, to bend, and usually those hours ended up with them making out. The fear changed into something pleasant, something Kurt loved to feel, Blaine's body on his, his weight on his body, made him feel even warmer, closer and he wanted so much more than hand jobs or blow jobs.

Of course the first time they got lost in each other while kissing and touching it was his boyfriend who pulled back, eyes dark but the concern in his features was still clear to see. They stopped many times, but after three weeks there was no need to. Between the stress of their final exams, and Kurt's therapy, making out and Blaine grinding his hips gently against Kurt's, bringing them to orgasm, was exactly what they needed to clear their heads from everything. A week before Christmas, their last exam complete, Kurt felt the need for more.

So, he found himself lying on the bed with Blaine above him, moaning, sweating and moving his ass down, wanting Kurt's fingers deeper inside him. It was a new view for him, hot, mind blowing and made him harder and harder, but he didn't touch his leaking cock, didn't want to come yet. They agreed on trying to take a step further, agreed on Blaine riding Kurt, because that idea made them the most comfortable. Kurt wasn't sure if it was a good idea to let Blaine hold his legs and fuck into him – this scared him a little bit. He wasn't sure if he was ready for this just yet, but Blaine certainly was. Blaine was so, so ready to feel more and do anything Kurt wanted, and Kurt was ready, he wanted to feel Blaine around him.

Their first time, his first time, and he expected to feel something telling him to stop, telling him he was not ready. But seeing Blaine's face, feeling his lips cover his skin with kisses of love and his eyes, blown dark but shining with gold and the love he felt for Kurt... there was not one single doubt in his mind. They loved each other and that was all he needed to be sure and ready.

"Okay," Blaine groaned and Kurt pulled his three fingers out, reached for the condom and rolled it over his cock.

"You're sure, right?"

Kurt eyed Blaine, how he panted, how his own cock twitched, screaming for attention and the need to come. The teasing smile on his lips was perhaps a bit mean, but he couldn't help himself.

"You want to stop?"

"Uh... no... but..." his boyfriend stammered, swallowing visibly when his eyes gazed down to Kurt's cock, watching him slick it up and stroke it lazily. He no longer wanted Blaine to live in misery so he reached out, grabbed the back of his neck gently, and pulled him down into a slow, but deep kiss.

"I love you and I'm ready. If one of us is not we will just stop."

Blaine sighed, his trembling lips kissed Kurt again and whispered: "I love you, too."

His hands found Blaine's hips and he pulled him closer, letting his boyfriend straddle him while holding his cock, lined it up with Blaine's entrance as he slowly sank down. They both stopped breathing, holding hands, fingers entwined, and Kurt wasn't sure what he wanted to see. Blaine's face which showed the obvious pain he felt, but also pleasure, or how his dick disappeared deeper and deeper into Blaine. Because this, the heat, tightness was so much, so good that it surprised him he hadn't come yet. Of course Kurt held himself back, feeling, moaning together with Blaine and whispered how tight he was, how good it felt which made Blaine smile because of his words. Once fully inside, he felt Blaine tremble, heard his fast breathing, and did his best to calm him down. He himself was at the edge of freaking out, but managed to keep it down.

"Blaine?" he whispered and ran his hands gently and slowly over Blaine's arms. Kurt touched his cheek, caressed each part of his boyfriend he could reach with gentle strokes.

"Just... a second," he smiled, took Kurt's hand and kissed his fingers before he bent down to kiss Kurt's lips, hissing when he felt Kurt's cock moving inside him.

"You... are big and long... so full, fuck..." Blaine said and kissed Kurt's smile. They waited, breathed in sync, kissed slowly and gently. No, Kurt never imagined his first time to be like this. With legs unable to move, with someone he loved more than anything, here in New York in their own apartment. But this was his reality and he felt lucky, so lucky and loved.

"Okay," Blaine whispered against Kurt's lips and took his hands back from Kurt's face and let them rest on his chest. Kurt nodded, let his hands rest on Blaine's and smiled when his boyfriend began to slowly rise up and back down. Their eyes were locked, mouths still formed smiles, but changing into an o shape with every rise and fall of Blaine's hips.

Hot, tight, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, were the things running through his head, but what he felt was much more and he felt it, the warm, tingling feeling shooting through his entire body. Even in his legs. Blaine found a slow rhythm, his eyes always looking down at Kurt, reading his face to make sure he was doing everything right, that Kurt was still okay with this.

"Good?" he asked, voice breathy, rough through the pleasure he felt.

"Yeah, more than good," whispered Kurt, holding Blaine's hands for a while longer. His boyfriend moved faster, bouncing so that his cock swayed in front of Kurt's eyes, making his mouth water. He always wanted to give Blaine the pleasure through a blow job, but still hadn't done that. Maybe soon because he, for some crazy reason, wanted to feel and taste and make Blaine shiver and writhe just like Kurt always did.

"Oh! Fuck!" Blaine cried, throwing his head back and moving faster. This was a side of his boyfriend he liked to see, too. When they hadn't had sex Blaine was the gentleman, attentive and lovely, always making sure to be polite and please other people. Always focused in his smooth way. But as soon as they made out, touched each other and, now, even had sex, Blaine let go and became this person before him who enjoyed every second, every feeling and the pure pleasure. The person who didn't care who heard him, or what he looked like. He just fell deeper and deeper chasing his own pleasure, but also giving Kurt the same back. It was hot, so hot that Kurt cried out himself when he came.

Throwing his head back, he filled the condom and his hand moved to Blaine's cock, stroking him once, twice, and then he felt the hot liquid covering his hand, belly and chest. Both were panting, both were sweating, and Blaine bent back down to kiss Kurt like he was hungry for it, needing it to keep on breathing and to have an anchor so he wouldn't lose himself as wave after wave washed over him. He held Blaine close, kept on kissing him until the waves stopped and the stars behind his eyes faded. Only then he opened his eyes, kissed Blaine slower and smiled when gold met blue.

Blaine's warm smile, filled with all the love he had for Kurt, was telling him that it had been the right moment, the right time, the right person to share this moment. Then he noticed how Blaine's eyes weren't just shining and sparkling, they were also filled with tears, just like his own.

"Stop, why are you crying?"

"Why are_ you_ crying?" giggled Blaine, but then hissed when he moved to let Kurt slip out of him. He made attempts to move off, but Kurt stopped him.

"No... stay."

"Okay," said Blaine after some seconds of silence and making sure this was what Kurt wanted.

"It... feels good to feel your body against mine."

Blaine smiled and laid down on top of Kurt, his arms moved around Kurt's shoulder and his lips kissed the spot on Kurt's neck that made him shiver and moan, but this time smiling happily. After a while Blaine had to stand up to leave their bedroom and get a wet towel to clean them up. Kurt used that time to realize what had just happened and let it sink in.

He had sex, it was his first time and it was not some silly lover or silly love. It happened with a person he truly loved and someone who loved him back, despite his situation. Now he understood why some people loved sex and why so many during high school could never get enough. He sat there alone remembering how it felt to be inside Blaine and kiss him as he moved and bounced up and down... Kurt sighed and smirked stupidly.

"I see you're happy," smirked Blaine when he returned and climbed on the bed.

"Very happy," breathed Kurt and reached out for Blaine's free hand while the other ran the warm, damp towel over his skin. He pulled Blaine's hand closer so he could kiss his fingers and Kurt asked. "What about you?"

"Same," Blaine whispered and smiled down at him, still cleaning Kurt and when he was done, Blaine was back right beside him, drawing patterns over Kurt's chest and kissing his shoulder.

"I never imagined my first time to be this good. I was sure I'd just... don't know. Do it with someone I maybe liked a little, but not more."

"Me too," sighed Kurt and ran his fingers through Blaine's curls. "I actually thought I'd die as a virgin after the accident."

"I'm glad you didn't," Blaine spoke, and considered the thought of it being with anyone else other than Kurt, was unbearable. "I'm glad you're here, with me, and not somewhere else."

"And soon we'll go everywhere together."

His words calmed Blaine down. Kurt saw it through the returning smile, the glint in his boyfriend's eyes and it felt good saying this, thinking this way.

"Where do you want to go first?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" asked Kurt, his fingers still running through Blaine's hair.

"When you can walk again. Where do you want to go first?"

Kurt didn't have to think much for his answer. His dreams were about that, every night he dreamed of the one thing he wanted to do when he could walk again.

"With you, hand in hand, walking through New York."

* * *

January

Kurt didn't remember taking his first steps as a baby. His memories began when he was 4 years old, laughing with his mother, and seeing the proud smile of his father. At that time he was already running around and running away, giggling when his parents were chasing him. Running as a child always felt easy, always like he was free. As a child he enjoyed running and doing things with his legs. Later, in Glee Club and growing up in general, he loved to dance, trying on new clothes, and showing off. He never felt the need to memorize how it felt to walk or run. It was something normal, something no one really paid attention to, just like breathing.

After the accident he did. After the accident he desperately wanted to remember, but was too focused on the fact that he just couldn't move.

This changed and Kurt was laughing, nervously, almost insanely because he had no idea what else to do. Emily stood in front of him, smiling wide and happy and saying something, but he wasn't listening. All he focused on was his legs, his feet taking a step, then another one, and his hands let go of the bars. It was not fluently, it was not like it used to be, but he was walking, he was moving.


	11. Chapter 11

BIG BIG THANK YOU to Lynne! You are amazing. Aaand the next chapter will be the last one :)

* * *

Part 11

So many good things were happening to him that Kurt was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had passed all his exams, Christmas had been beautiful alone with Blaine, on New Years eve they went outside, close to the city, but not as a part of the huge crowds. They both got their first New Year's eve kiss, and went back home to do more than just kiss.

Kurt had never felt happier, never more loved and he breathed it all in, drinking it, burning it into his heart and soul. The love they both had for each other, shared with each other, was nothing he had ever expected to find and nothing he even knew he needed. But he did need it, he wanted it and couldn't get enough of this life and what he felt.

It was now January and another good thing happened. Kurt sat in his chair, moving his foot slowly and staring at it with fascination. It was so odd and yet so familiar to feel and be able to move his foot.

"Can you lift your leg?" Emily asked, kneeling across from Kurt as her hands followed Kurt's leg to catch it if he couldn't hold it up by himself. Kurt's smile grew bigger and bigger, and although his leg moved terribly slow, it moved nevertheless.

"Good, amazing!" she smiled when Kurt held his leg up and then lowered it back down.

"Now the other one," and Kurt did what she said. It was not the same, not even close, but it was something. Something big.

"Does it hurt or anything?"

Kurt shook his head no: "It's just hard because it takes a lot of energy."

Emily grinned, wide and happy: "That's normal. Don't worry. Just practice a lot at home and you'll get there pretty quick."

"You think?" he asked, eyes sparkling and wide. Did this mean he could walk again? Soon? Like in weeks, maybe days? Slow down, he thought.

"It's up to you. It can go pretty fast or take a while. Remember, whatever you're doing that makes you so happy and relaxed, keep doing that and you'll be walking again very soon."

* * *

When he got back home the first thing on his mind was to call his father and tell him the news. He did that, hearing his father laugh and cheer from the other end. It was a sound he hadn't heard in a while, and it made Kurt more and more happy to finally hear it again. He knew he worried his father a lot, knew his behavior after the accident broke his father's heart. Now there was this little ray of hope and he wanted to hold it close and not let go.

After calling his father, Kurt finished his homework and waited for Blaine and thought about how to tell him about this. Maybe he should just show him? Show him that he was able to move his leg up and down? Maybe let him guess? Or maybe say nothing at all and surprise him when he actually could walk? No, that was unfair and he knew Blaine was just as hopeful as Kurt was. It would have been unfair to tell his father, but not Blaine.

No, he needed to tell him the news and then they'd work together until he could walk again. This thought made Kurt smile as he climbed onto the couch, checked the time, and knew Blaine was supposed to be back any minute. As the door opened, he was ready to jump off the couch and wrap his arms around Blaine's neck.

"I'm home!" he shouted from the front door. Kurt heard his boyfriend take off his shoes and jacket. When Kurt finally saw him, he noticed how exhausted and done Blaine looked. Usually, when he came home, he always smiled warmly and softly at him. Today he did not.

"Bad day?" Kurt asked when Blaine climbed over the backrest and let his body rest on Kurt's, arms slid around Kurt's body to hold him close.

"It was terrible," he mumbled against Kurt's chest. "Sorry, I just want to forget it and cuddle with you."

Kurt smiled, his fingers running through Blaine's curls because that was something he enjoyed and loved. Blaine was pretty obsessed with hair gel and smoothing his curls down because he didn't like people seeing them. Kurt loved them, he loved everything about Blaine.

"What happened? Will you tell me?" he whispered as he pressed a kiss on Blaine's head.

"Just, my teacher is an idiot," Blaine began and held himself up on his elbows, stretching his neck to kiss Kurt: "He thinks that Disney music is horrible. Only because he hates Disney."

"Who hates Disney? Are those people even real?"

"Right? He said that it's nothing compared to Hans Zimmer or Ludovico Einaudi. He probably just hates kids and beautiful stories with happy endings."

"Maybe he is a very lonely man?"

"Maybe. But he can't judge me for saying I want to write songs for Disney movies."

"No, he can't and he shouldn't. Because you'll be amazing," Kurt smiled, eyes warm and shining only for Blaine.

"And you'll be the most famous designer ever. People will literally line up to get into your store."

He loved that, how they supported each other and never had a doubt about the other being successful in what they did and wanted to do. Blaine was an amazing singer, played instruments like he'd never done anything else in his life, and Kurt couldn't wait to hear those songs.

"I demand my own bow tie collection and you should name them 'My Sweetheart's favorite!'"

Kurt snorted, then giggled and hummed when he felt Blaine's lips on his. Yes, kissing was good, kissing led to other amazing things they could do. So he let himself melt against the couch, hands holding Blaine's head to keep him close and slowly, without knowing, bent his leg to make room for Blaine. Because the kiss was so good and distracting, and because the thought of his leg moving already settled in his mind, Kurt didn't really pay attention to it. But Blaine did. He broke the kiss, stared at Kurt, and then looked behind his shoulder, and gasped.

"Kurt... you-"

"Huh?" Kurt blinked, seeing his leg and remembered.

"Your leg," breathed Blaine, blinking and moving back to touch Kurt's knee.

"Yeah, sorry. I forgot."

"You forgot to tell me that you can move your leg?"

Blaine didn't sound upset, didn't look upset. The corners of his mouth moved up, curled into a smile and then his chin began to tremble as it always did when tears were close.

"I even took some steps. I... I can't do much but it's something."

"Kurt-" mumbled Blaine and looked back at him, smiling and eyes watery but so happy, so relieved that it was overwhelming. Seeing Blaine so moved, equally as happy as Kurt, made him feel so much closer to his boyfriend. He never thought this was a real thing, that someone could be happy for him who was not his dad. Blaine had shown him this many times, and every time it just made it more real for Kurt.

Blaine didn't say anything further. He just smiled, happy and overwhelmed and moved closer, kissing Kurt again and again. Forehead, cheek, nose and eventually his lips, sending shivers down Kurt's spine, awakening the familiar warm feeling inside him. It was just boiling in his stomach, filled his veins and made him feel amazing.

"I love you so much, Kurt," whispered Blaine when he came up for air, and held Kurt's face gently and let their foreheads rest against each other.

"I love you, too."

As he opened his eyes, he noticed the tears on Blaine's cheeks and shook his head gently, wiping them away because he knew that he would cry, too.

"You are amazing, Blaine. You... you are everything and all I never knew I needed or wanted. But I'm happy, so happy that we have each other. Thank you."

Now Blaine looked rather confused, but after a moment his smile that was filled with love, returned to his face and then he shook his head slowly .

"You are, Kurt. You are the most amazing person I know. You work so hard to succeed and to walk again. You are witty, smart and so, so beautiful."

Kurt actually blushed, his heart pounded fast inside his chest and even some more when Blaine noticed this. So he took Kurt's hand, pressed it against his own, and he felt it right under his fingers. Blaine's heart was pounding equally fast and just for him.

"And I feel so lucky that you chose me to be your boyfriend and let me love you, and that you love me in return. So, thank you."

Blaine whispered the last words and Kurt felt a new feeling growing inside him. It was a wonderful feeling, huge and bright and made him forget to breathe. That's why he closed his eyes, pulled Blaine back into a sweet kiss, and slowly the feeling formed into a thought. A clear, even scary thought. He wanted this, he wanted Blaine forever. He wanted to be with him when he walked again, he wanted them to go through college together, get their degrees together, and start their adult lives together. Kurt wanted everything, he wanted to be with Blaine, marry him, plan a family with him, and go through the good and bad times with him.

It was a new thought, big and terrifying, but it made him happy. So happy and he didn't have a single doubt that this would be his life, that Blaine would be part of his future.

"Let's eat something and then bed?"

"Sounds perfect," agreed Kurt and let Blaine help him up and back into his chair.

After dinner they went back to their bedroom – both in just their underwear - and Blaine helped Kurt to bend and stretch his legs, as he did every evening. The fascination in his eyes when Kurt moved his legs by himself was visible and almost comical. When Kurt made an exhausted noise or looked like he was putting way to much strength into moving his leg, Blaine asked if he was okay, if it was too much. Always careful, always caring, as he knelt between Kurt's legs. Kurt smiled then and reassured him that everything was fine, that his legs only felt heavy, but it was getting better.

"I honestly can't wait to see you walk. I know how much you love fashion and how much you love to dress up. I've never seen it, but you always talk about it," he said as he crawled closer, hands rested next to Kurt's body as he kissed his nose: "I really can't wait to see you completely happy."

"Only that?" Kurt teased and Blaine understood it. Teasing was always a good sign.

"Mmmh... you said you are a good dancer. I can tell, you'll be such a tease with your long legs and slim waist. I don't need to see you stand but I feel it under my fingers and see it through your fine muscles."

"There are some videos, you know," whispered Kurt against Blaine's lips, opening his legs to make room for Blaine. He gasped when he felt their hard cocks touching and the familiar fire down there grew.

"Videos? Of you dancing?"

"Mhm. I can show you if you want to," and he blushed as he remembered the performance of single ladies. It was fun, it was embarrassing, but when he became older and puberty treated him pretty well, he no longer felt embarrassed about it. He knew there was no reason to feel embarrassed in front of Blaine.

They had been together for a little more than a year now, lived together for 5 months, and Blaine got to know sides of Kurt that were... not usual for a 'normal' relationship. Blaine helped him in the bathroom, helped him shower, sit on the toilet, and sometimes he dressed Kurt, and carried him to bed. They both experienced so many things together and did together. It was weird and sometimes humiliating for Kurt, but Blaine never made him feel like it bothered him. Over the past year he gave Kurt his love, his attention and never complained, never treated Kurt like he was weak or sick.

There was really no reason to feel embarrassed.

"Now?"

"No. Tomorrow," giggled Kurt when Blaine kissed his jaw, his neck and tickled his ribs.

"I want you inside me."

"What?" asked Blaine with wide eyes and stopped what he was doing to stare at Kurt.

"I want to feel you inside me. I feel like... I can do that."

Since their first time, Blaine always bottomed. Blaine always rode Kurt because that was what they were both comfortable with, and what Kurt could do. Now, after his realization that he wanted forever with Blaine, wanted to marry him, live with him and, at some point, have a family with him, he was ready for more.

"Okay," his boyfriend smiled, kissed him and whispered a thank you.

"And I want to blow you."

The golden eyes turned dark, so dark like never before. It was easy to arouse Blaine, easy to arouse them both. Just a kiss, a touch, lying half naked in their bed was enough for them to want more, but Blaine always asked if it was okay, if Kurt was sure and denied his own arousal. Kurt appreciated it although he knew, way too well, how Blaine felt, and how much he wanted to just do it. Soon, in a few days, maybe weeks, they could do it when Kurt regained control over his body.

"How? Like... do you want to lie or..."

"Just lie down. But before that we should be naked."

Smiling, Blaine did just that, taking Kurt's underwear off and then his own, laying next to Kurt and kissing him sweetly and softly. One last warm glance, one last warm smile, and then Kurt slowly slid down, resting half on Blaine and stared at his filling cock. Obviously, someone was excited and begging for attention.

"You don't have to," Blaine spoke behind him. "I know you know that, but I mean it. Stop whenever you want to."

"I'm fine."

He was fine, he felt fine, but also nervous. Blaine was so good at doing this. He knew how to use his tongue, how to suck and when to hum to make Kurt go crazy. Well, Kurt never had another blow job experience and even if he had, he knew Blaine was the only person in this world who was allowed to do that to him. That's why he swallowed his nervousness and wrapped his lips around the head, just to suckle and taste. Apparently this was enough for his boyfriend to moan and curse and his cock twitched with excitement. For some reason he felt happy about that, felt happy that all the noises Blaine made happened because of something he did. Sweet, arousing noises and fingers running through his hair in a soothing way.

With new confidence he began to kiss the down the shaft, tongued the fat vein, and licked back up and swallowed him down. Blaine was thick, hot, leaving a musky taste, but everything was just so _Blaine_. The smell, the taste, how the weight of his cock rested in his mouth, just... everything, and he never knew how much he needed to taste this, to do this. But, he did and soon Kurt bobbed up and down, sucking, licking and the arousal in his own body grew and grew because of the taste and Blaine's voice.

His boyfriend cursed, moaned shamelessly and Kurt wished he could see his face. How he threw his head back, how his eyes rolled back or were staring at him, dark with those amazing golden lines. God, it was just amazing and he just knew that, yes, he was definitely gay because giving a blow job was something he wanted to do more often. That's why he hummed, needy and with the purpose to drive Blaine crazy. He did.

"K... Kurt... shit, I'm... oh Goood."

He sucked one more second and then let go, stroking Blaine slowly who was breathing hard and fast and only then Kurt felt how Blaine was trembling under him. Satisfied, he looked back up to see Blaine, see the sweaty curls, as he smirked at his boyfriend.

"Oh God," huffed Blaine, smirking himself and helped Kurt back up to him so they could kiss.

"Mmmh, you are amazing. So, so amazing, beautiful."

"And I'm horny and hard."

"I'll take care of that," whispered Blaine and pushed Kurt gently down, reaching over to the nightstand to get the lube and condom. Using the time to move, he bent his legs, spread them open and smiled proudly about that. Each move felt better, easier than the one before. Blaine was back, smiling proudly, too, and settled between Kurt's legs, as he poured lube on his fingers and warmed it up between them. Another kiss, another look, and then Kurt nodded, biting his lip when he felt the first finger push inside him. It was definitely new, but good and Blaine was gentle, careful and doing what Kurt said. Two fingers, three fingers and Kurt was stroking his own cock, moaning wantonly because it just felt incredible.

He waited, let Blaine stretch him, enjoyed each fill and cursed when Blaine found his prostate. Yes, now he definitely knew why Blaine went totally crazy when he rode Kurt's cock.

"Okay... okay, now, please."

Kurt stopped stroking himself, ran his hands over his thighs and smiled at his boyfriend when their eyes met. God, he felt almost stupid because he loved this man so much and just wanted to connect with him in any way possible. He just wanted to feel him inside, around him, next to him, forever.

"Stop teasing, Blaine," complained Kurt when Blaine smirked and stroked his cock with the condom already around it. His boyfriend chuckled as he obeyed, got in position and slowly pushed inside. Yeah, thought Kurt, big and hot, filling him slowly, but in the best way possible. They breathed together, kissed to soothe the pain and waited when Blaine was completely inside Kurt. His body vibrated, his lungs filled with not nearly enough air and his legs? They moved, he wanted to wrap them around Blaine's waist, but he couldn't. His strength was just not there.

"Do you... want me to hold your legs?"

"No, it's fine. It's good, right?"

"Perfect," moaned Blaine and slid out, slowly, gently and back in. He repeated this for several minutes and only moved faster when Kurt told him to do so. Yes, this was good, this was amazing, and definitely something he wanted to do over and over again.

* * *

March

Walking was nothing unusual, nothing people wonder about. Walking was rather an excuse to be lazy and not go somewhere because their feet hurt, because they were tired. For people who could walk, that was the case. But for Kurt it was no longer just that. When he thought about walking he imagined being able to run, to dress up and show off. When he thought about walking he wanted to take long walks through New York, at the beach, hand in hand with his boyfriend. The thought of walking made him happy, excited and impatient.

For the past two months he had been working so hard and when he was at home he no longer needed his wheelchair. He was still not walking as fluently as he wanted to, but he _was_ walking. Slowly, because his legs still felt so heavy. Walking through the streets was not an option for him because New York was not a slow city. Everything and everyone was fast and he would have been just a burden for the people on the sidewalk.

At home he walked by holding himself up on the bars on the wall, with crutches, or with Blaine's help. Sometimes he didn't need either of those, and did a little happy dance. Right now, he wanted to do a happy dance, too, because he had planned everything. Dinner was ready, candles set out, but not burning yet. Julia knew it, his dad knew it, and all he needed now, was the most important person, Blaine.

Kurt glanced up at the clock on the wall, just a few minutes and Blaine would be back. Then they would have a candlelight dinner, talk about the day and be them, together. He reached into his pocket, pulled out the little box with the ring, and smiled, nervously, but happy. Yes, they were only together for a little more than a year. They were still young, there was still so much to experience, to do. But this felt right, after everything this was the logical step and what he wanted to do more than anything right now. Finish college as fiances, and plan their wedding and future together.

Which they were already doing. Nothing was settled, nothing was decided, but they were talking about it. They were planning where to go on vacation, talking about what to name their kids, if they wanted a dog or a cat. Plans that were still so far in the future, but something they apparently both wanted. Because whenever they talked like that, Blaine would smile a different smile. Not less beautiful, not less lovely, just different and it made Kurt breathless. His eyes were also warm, a bit scared, but warm just like Kurt's. He bit his lip and pushed the box back into his pockets.

10 minutes later, 20, 30, but he wasn't back. Almost two hours later Kurt got worried and called him, but Blaine didn't answer. He was already back in his chair, rolling around and looking out of the window, waiting, watching, but it was just the cold street light that greeted him. He knew Blaine was still at college, he texted him that he would be a back later than usual. But almost two hours? Rolling to the front door he took his jacket, put his shoes on, and reached for the keys. Once he was outside he looked around, waited for Blaine to appear from around the corner, but he didn't come. There was really no reason to be worried, he thought. Blaine was always careful, always waited until the light was green before he crossed. Still, Kurt was worried because being late was not like Blaine. He was never late. He always picked Kurt up on time from his therapy, always made sure Kurt was everywhere on time. Blaine Anderson was never late.

He bit his lip, worry crawled through his body and he rolled down the road Blaine usually used. He stopped at their favorite Thai restaurant, stopped at their coffee shop, all places close to their building. But no Blaine anywhere. Once again he reached out for his phone, ignored the noises around him, voices, cars, music and only waited to hear Blaine's voice. Still nothing and Kurt felt like crying when another 30 minutes passed and Blaine still didn't answer his phone.

What if something had happened? What if Blaine had been mugged? What if he had an accident? There were so many stories about what happens, what happened in New York. He was never usually worried about those things because they both were careful, but still. They just needed to meet the wrong person, be at the wrong place at the wrong time. No, Kurt was overreacting, right? Or was this the bad moment he feared would happen because everything else had been just perfect?

This couldn't be.


	12. Chapter 12

Part 12.

_The chances of being born are so slim  
So keep warm, so keep warm  
And take some heart at being born at quite so young  
You can learn to talk, and learn to walk in your own time  
You're so young..._

_We Were Promised Jetpacks – Keeping Warm_

Kurt had many dreams, many goals, and he always kept them close to him. He remembered when he was young, just barely walking and talking, how lucky he felt to have both his father and his mother. He took some things for granted, which was not unusual. A child does not understand that some things aren't meant to stay the way they example, how his family changed after his mother's death. It was only his father and him. He missed his mother, yes, but his father did everything, so Kurt was still happy.

Many things made Kurt happy. Tea parties with his dad, planning his own wedding, clothes, singing, dancing. More and more dreams came true, and he kept them all close to his heart. High School was not fun with all the people around him, judging him, calling him names, but eventually he outgrew them and became a more confident person. He still held his dreams close and worked hard for them. It took a lot of energy, a lot of fighting, but then he graduated, and New York was close, so close.

But, then the accident happened and everything shattered into a million pieces. All his dreams were gone, all his energy and will. He didn't even want to walk again, didn't even fight for it. He was so tired after the accident. Tired of fighting, of doing so much and only getting half of the things he worked so hard for. For the first time ever in his existance, he wanted to end his life. For the first time ever he truly considered it, and it scared him.

But things changed. Yet again, and though he had plenty of doubts, he somehow found even more than before. New strength, new confidence, a new life. Now he was in New York, studying fashion and costume design, and following one of his top it all off, he had also found love. A love he never had dreamed of, never knew he wished for or wanted. But, he found love. He found Blaine and he never wanted another love, another boyfriend.

Blaine went through so much alongside Kurt. He wanted to live with him, be with him, despite the possibility that Kurt wouldn't walk again. Blaine accepted so many things, like how often he needed to help Kurt. Simple things such as cooking, but then also intimate things like taking a shower, using the bathroom. Dealing with Kurt's mood swings, dealing with the good and the bad. The humiliating and lovely parts. He just accepted it all, and did it out of love.

That was what Kurt thought about as he stood on the pavement, looking around for Blaine who was nowhere to be seen. His life had never been all sunshine and rainbows. This felt like the time when his Dad had a heart attack and he was so scared of losing him. This fear he had felt at that moment, he was feeling yet again.

He pulled his phone out once again, dialed Blaine's number, and looked around while waiting for him to pick up. It was worrying him that Blaine didn't pick up. After that one night when Kurt fell and couldn't move, Blaine always kept his charger with him, always picked up no matter when Kurt called. He was petrified about what could have happened to him because Blaine was the only person who was there to help him. Of course Emily was there as well, but Emily was not his partner or someone he could just call and expect to be there whenever he needed someone.

"Kurt!" Blaine's voice finally filled his ear alongside the typical noises of New York in the background. "Oh my God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

He couldn't speak, didn't move. Kurt just stayed there right where he was, clutching the armrest with his free hand, and feeling the tears of relief begin to fill his eyes. They were hot, making his view blurry.

"Kurt? Are you-"

"Where are you?" he asked and was surprised at the tone of his voice with his heart pounding so hard against his chest, his breath not enough, his eyes still filling with tears. He wiped them away, looked around, and saw Blaine across the street looking to the left and then to the right and back to the left before he crossed.

"On my way home," he said, and Kurt saw the smile, the flowers he held in his hands, red and yellow roses and just seeing him, alive and smiling, did something to him.

It was relief, it was love, and it was the feeling when all the burdens just fall off your shoulders and you feel free. Free to fly, to speak, to do anything a person wanted to do. Seeing one of the most important people in his life crossing the street, alive and smiling, because he spoke about going home. Home to Kurt. Just like that Kurt stood up, the need to hold and feel Blaine against him to make it real, was very strong, it consumed his body. His heart was the only thing speaking, the only thing he really felt, and his eyes could only focus on Blaine who was staring at Kurt, standing still with his mouth hanging open. The moment his arms wrapped around his boyfriend's neck, the moment he felt his body against his, he heard Blaine make a little noise like having the air knocked out of your lungs.

This was his home, his place he never wanted to share nor leave. Those arms were kept him warm and safe and had always held their promises. His future was right here and the fear of losing him when Blaine didn't come back home, made it that much clearer. There were no doubts in his mind, no question. He wanted to grow old with this man.

Kurt just held him a while longer, breathed him in and out and then, slowly, the noises came back, filling his ear. Voices, cars, and of course Blaine's voice.

"Kurt, I-"

"Don't ever scare me like that again," he interrupted Blaine, pulled back and looked him in the eyes, saw all the surprise because Blaine had no idea what he was talking about. "I called you and you didn't pick up. I was scared, Blaine. You always answer my calls."

"I'm sorry... my phone broke and I needed to get a new one. I'm sorry... but-"

Kurt looked at his hand, saw the flowers, saw a different cellphone and back up to Blaine's face, still seeing his surprise, his mouth still open.

"What? What happened?"

"Yeah?" Blaine chocked and took a step back, looking down at Kurt. "You ran, Kurt. You ran to me. Just like... just like that."

"I... what?"

His mind began to catch up, his memories came flooding back in. He stood up, moved his body like it never did anything else and just ran. His legs moved like they used to, fluent, fast without any sign of something wrong. He was running, _he ran_, and when he truly realized what happened, Kurt gasped and clutched Blaine's arms and he felt his knees give in.

"Wow! I've got you," exclaimed Blaine and held Kurt close and safe, as he always had done.

Kurt breathed fast, held Blaine as he tried to get the control back over his legs. He succeeded to stand, but still needed Blaine as his anchor, needed his help to not fall, and then a laugh escaped his mouth. It was a breathy, trembling laugh, but one nevertheless.

"I ran," he whispered, and met Blaine's eyes, shining and small because he was smiling so wide.

"You did," whispered his boyfriend back, and both their eyes filled with tears as they began to laugh.

"Come on, let's get off the street."

Kurt nodded and walked alongside Blaine, painfully slow, and still feeling the adrenalin pumping through his veins. He ran, that was all he could think about and he recalled the feeling over and over again until he was back in his wheelchair. Kurt closed his eyes to take a deep breath and calm himself down. When he opened them, he found Blaine's face right in front of him, smiling and fingers reaching out to touch his cheek.

"You are full of surprises."

Kurt gave Blaine a huge smile and settled down, sinking into his wheelchair and still processing. Blaine was here, alive and smiling and he ran, his legs moved like they used to. Adrenalin could do a lot, people said, now he knew it did. The smile he wore since he hugged Blaine and knew he was okay, became a relaxed and soft one.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," whispered Blaine, bent down and kissed him deep and slow. "I got these for you. I knew you'd be worried and probably upset because I was late." He gave Kurt the flowers and Kurt wondered how on earth he could still be mad at him? He couldn't. All that mattered was that Blaine was safe and with him.

"You are here now, that's all I care about. And thank you for the flowers."

"You're welcome, baby. Now, let's go home?"

"Yeah, dinner is already waiting."

Back home Kurt slowly stood up and felt his legs move more fluidly, but still too slow for his own liking. That's why he let Blaine bring dinner to the living room while he lit the candles and sat down on the couch. He opened the bottle of sweet wine, and smiled at his boyfriend who, once again, looked surprised.

"Did I forget something? I know candles usually mean sex or it's a special day."

"Everyday with you is special," Kurt said, and knew how cheesy it sounded, how bad this saying was, and they both snorted.

"And here I thought I was the one with the cheesy lines, going down in shame."

"I love it when you're cheesy," Kurt admitted, and leaned back against the backrest, smiling into the kiss Blaine gave him.

"Good. Now, dinner?"

With a final nod, they made themselves comfortable on the couch and began to eat, while Blaine explained what had happened at school that caused his phone to break. He had to stay a bit longer, had some group projects which he didn't like that much, but had no real choice. When he was done with that, he hurried home and on his way he held up his phone to call Kurt, but stumbled into someone, and it fell onto the pavement and broke. The way Blaine described it, dramatically and with his hands flailing around, Kurt couldn't help thinking how adorable he was, and that he would be an amazing storyteller.

After his phone broke, he went to the bank for some money and bought a new, cheap one, and stopped for flowers to apologize, because it took him so long. Then they met up and their food was gone. Blaine poured some of the sweet wine into their glasses and leaned back next to Kurt.

They didn't say anything else, just smiled at each other, and their free hands clasped together. That was what Kurt needed, a moment of proximity and silence, kisses and gentle touches, before he decided to take the most important step in his life. Well, one of the most important steps.

He knew his future would hold more important steps for him, for Blaine and for them together. Finishing college and getting a degree, finding a job, building a career, marriage, family. There was so much to look forward to, with all the things he wanted to do with Blaine. So, he took a deep breath, pressed one last sweet kiss onto Blaine's lips, and began to speak, but Blaine spoke first.

"I have something else for you."

Kurt blinked, a little confused, as Blaine took his glass from him and put them both on the coffee table.

"Can I go first?" he asked as Blaine turned back to him and he nodded.

"Of course."

"Good... so, can we stand up?"

"Okay," Blaine spoke slowly and helped Kurt up, walked around the coffee table and stood in the middle of the living room. His hands held Kurt by his hips, waiting for him to find some balance, which was actually easy for Kurt. After the running his body felt different, it felt better, and he smiled proudly when he stood steady on his feet.

"Good, um... I-" he began, but Blaine held his hand up, realization filling his face.

"Wait, are you... proposing?"

Kurt waited, tried to read Blaine's face to see if he liked the idea or not. Tried to see if there was anything that told him this was the wrong moment. He saw nothing. Eyes, golden and sparkling were looking at him, his features soft and breath slightly leaving his body faster. No fear, no doubt, nothing that told Kurt that he thought it was too soon, or wasn't something he wanted. But, he didn't want to admit it just yet. He wanted to give his speech, he wanted to tell Blaine so much. He wanted this to be big, memorable, special, but maybe... something simple was all they needed now.

"Because if you do... then we really need to work on our timing surprising one another."

"You mean?"

Blaine smiled and walked over to the couch to get his bag, and showed Kurt the little black box with the biggest blush coming across his face. He stepped closer, smiling softly and lovingly, eyes never leaving Kurt's.

"Because I want to do the same and I wanted it to be big, with a long speech about what you mean to me and how lucky I feel. So you'd say yes no matter what."

Kurt sighed, reached into his own pockets to get the black box he kept there, and showed it to Blaine. Both chuckled, smiled stupidly, and like so many other times some things just went unspoken between them. Some things didn't need words to describe how they felt, what they wanted and needed. This was explanation enough about how much they loved each other, what they wanted, and how they imagined their future.

"Guess we'll keep this simple?"

"At least let me ask if you'll marry me," Blaine said almost whining.

"Of course I will, silly."

The smile Blaine gave him was just the one he expected, happy, relieved and just for him.

"And you-"

"Yes," Blaine breathed, and before they could even open their boxes Blaine pulled Kurt into a long kiss.

* * *

**2 months later**

"Thank you for everything, Emily." Kurt said as he squeezed her close to his body. "And make sure to call Jimmy and tell him the news."

"Of course," she smiled, and kissed his cheek before pulling back: "And you make sure he doesn't try too hard, Blaine. You know your fiance better than I do and how stubborn he can be."

"Oh yeah, I know," smirked Blaine and Kurt shoved him playfully.

Emily laughed and hugged Blaine, too before she said: "If you have any questions, just call me. Your legs may rebel from time to time, but it's nothing to be worried about."

They said their goodbyes, Emily reminding Blaine again to keep an eye on Kurt, which made him groan, but made Blaine chuckle. He stood next to Kurt and took his hand before they left the building. It was a rainy day, not too warm nor too cold. Just perfect to take a walk, and he ached to do that. He just wanted to walk and feel his legs and feet. Walk through the city that he always wanted to live in. The smirk on his face never left his lips, not when someone gave them odd looks, nothing could ruin his mood. He was too happy, he was wearing his favorite skinny jeans, the boots he always wanted to wear and walk in. He was so happy, and he held Blaine's hand, leaned in close to him as they took each step together.

He loved feeling their fingers tangled together as they did so. Loved feeling Blaine's ring against his skin.

"Can you... walk forward?" Blaine asked, squeezing Kurt's hand. Pulling back, his eyes studied Blaine's face, noticing the small blush on his cheeks, and then smirked teasingly.

"Sure," he whispered, kissed Blaine's cheek, and walked forward with a little jump in his step. At first he just walked forward, not even minding the rain ruining his hair. Right now he just wanted to tease Blaine a little bit, but also enjoy his freedom. First, he just enjoyed the movement of his lower body, his hips, thighs, knees and of course feet. He enjoyed the feel of his muscles, the ground under his shoes. This simple movement was overwhelming and he had no idea how much he had missed this. But, he couldn't overwhelm himself, he knew that. That's why he looked over his shoulder and watched Blaine's face, smirking when he noticed some things.

There was happiness all over his face, but the way he licked his lips and his eyes were slightly dark, gave him away. Kurt liked that he had this impact on his fiance. Not that he had any doubts about how good he looked. Kurt knew he looked good because he liked dressing well. This was something he had missed so much since the accident.

"It's still unreal," Blaine said when he took some quick steps to stand right next to Kurt: "But I'm so happy to see you walking and smiling. I've been waiting for this moment for so long."

"Hm, never had a doubt?" Kurt asked, and pulled his fiance closer, both standing under the same umbrella and sharing their breaths.

"Never. You can do and be anything you want. I know that."

His heart swelled, almost bursting with all the love he felt at that moment.

"And you can drive a guy crazy with your legs," mumbled Blaine and blushed, a deep red which made Kurt just giggle.

"We better go home then, huh? Don't want people to see you go crazy."

* * *

**Hey guys! So, here we are. The last chapter and I honestly never thought people would love this fic. It was just a nice idea I had and wanted to write down. But you've been supportive and I have no idea how to thank you. It means so much to see people reading and liking my fics I don't know the right words to describe how happy this makes me. Writing this fic had been a challenge for me but I've finished it. Hope you liked the last chapter and maybe I'll see you guys in one of my other fics (rn I'm writing on Fragile Dream and One Vow aaaand I have like 4 other fics planned so, we'll see when I start those). So, thank you, thank you, thank you and BIG thanks to Lynne :)**


End file.
